Broke-Azz Jealouz Hater

The man who attempted to blackmail David Letterman for $2 million bucks over some behind-the-scenes sexual escapades has been identified. His name is Robert "Joe" Halderman, and he used to work for the CBS show 48 Hours.

Halderman was arrested on Thursday and has been charged with grand larceny in the first degree. Oh, and he's been suspended by CBS, which seems the least of his problems.

Halderman, according to reports, may have gotten the inspiration for his plot from a former girlfriend, Stephanie Birkitt, Letterman's one-time assistant. Halderman reportedly has Birkitt's diary in his possession, and other pieces of evidence he intended using to force Letterman to cough up the dough.

TMZ has discovered that the divorced Halderman has been forced by a court to pay almost $6,000/month in child support. I guess that second job at Denny's wasn't making up the difference.

Letterman's Dirtbag Admission

David Letterman will do anything for ratings, including admit on-air that a CBS employee attempted to extort $2 million from him by threatening to reveal his affairs with female staffers at the network.

Let's see Conan O'Brien top that, bitches!

No, really, it's an awful thing. How terrible for a man to have to sit there and confess to being a typical heterosexual Alpha male. "Basically, if you have tits, and you wave them in my face, I will fuck you."

If it had been male staffers he was boning...now that would've been a story. And I'm guessing, in that case, he would've just paid the $2 million.

His image can stand a few flings with cute little female staffers. Full-on homosexual hijinks? Sarah Palin would've destroyed him.

Is This The Beginning Of Some Joaquin Phoenix Stunt?

The producers of General Hospital have announced that legitimate, well-respected film actor James Franco has signed on to the daytime soap for a two-month hitch.

"It's an honor that an actor of James' caliber would choose to spend some of his valuable time in Port Charles," said executive producer Jill Farren Phelps.

Franco will reportedly play "a mysterious character" who moves to the fictional town of Port Charles and basically causes trouble.

Producers say Franco approached the show about joining the cast. Didn't anyone think to check for dilated pupils or slurred speech?

This smacks of Joaquin Phoenix-ism. "James Franco becomes a soap actor." Next up, a drunken Letterman appearance that has everyone wondering if he's lost his mind.

Britney Spears At Target. Just Cuz.

Britney Spears continues to do all her shopping at Target, even though people from her neck-of-the-woods generally sneer at Target shoppers. "What's the matter, Salvation Army not good enough for you? Those Spearses always were full of themselves."

Way To Dress Up

This picture about sums up how life differs for men and women. Men, when they go to a promotional event with their name on it, can slap on sneakers, jeans and a filthy hoodie and be satisfied no one will say anything. Women, on the other hand, have to glam it up, because if they don't, people will wonder if they are on something.

It's not fair, I'm telling you. Not fair.

Man-Love

Vince Vaughn tries to hump Jason Bateman. It was sort of embarrassing for Vince to spend the rest of the night with a dark, damp spot on his pants.

The humping is not the most disturbing thing about this picture. It's far more troublesome that Vaughn now looks like Neil Cavuto's shady brother who operates a child prostitution ring out of Hanoi.

When Did He Suddenly Grow A Pair?

Jon Gosselin's name has been removed from the title of the TLC show he once starred on with his heinous wife and evil kids, but that doesn't mean he is going to go gently into that co-ed-filled, marijuana-smoke-choked good night.

On the contrary, Jon intends making life difficult for his former employers any way he can. That began with him sending a letter to TLC telling them he will sic the police on them if they attempt to film his children.

TLC has responded by saying it is "deeply disappointed" in Jon whose recent behavior they characterize as "erratic," "self-destructive" and "unprofessional."

They also remind Jon that he remains under contract to them. In other words, he signed his kids' souls away a long time ago, and has no legal right to demand them back.

Something for you to think about if you are another idiot pondering exposing your children to the bright lights of low-end basic cable reality TV. What am I saying? If you are such an idiot, you are not capable of pondering. You are only capable of sitting there slobbering while they write the check.