Jared Leto Keeps His Dickhead Streak Alive

Jared Leto is a serious contender for Dickhead of the Century. Little Jared Leto. Aw, he was so adorable on My So-Called Life. Then he played that junkie in Requiem For a Dream and started taking himself soooo seriously. Now he's in a rock band called 30 Seconds to Mars, and goes around looking like Mary-Kate Olsen after a sex-change. What ever happened to our little Jared? He's turned into a champion punk. Whether he's picking a fight with Elijah Wood, or lashing out at photographers, he always seems to find a way to get in the middle of some kind of melee. And it's happened again, at Harry O's Tao in Park City. Jared was allegedly trying to get with some broad named Michelle Smith, but apparently wasn't very successful, and on the way back to his table decided to act like a juvenile and bump into a bunch of people. When someone took exception to Jared's idiot behavior, Jared did the sort of thing Jared does - he brandished a bottle over the guy's head. Then, when security tried escorting Jared from the facility, he waved a bottle around at them too. For the record, Leto's reps say the incident never happened. Must be a great time to be a rep for Jared Leto. "We deny that our client acted like a complete pussy by threatening some guy with a bottle." Seriously, this guy needs a lobotomy. And he needs to wash his hair. And probably the rest of himself too, the smelly punk.

Hilary Duff Does Seacrest('s Show)

Hilary Duff pops in to Ryan Seacrest's KISS-FM show to promote her new record (or something). Duff's teeth no longer protrude as much as they used to, but look at Seacrest's. I think her old teeth may have been transplanted to his mouth.

Seriously, just stare at that picture for a minute. Those are the beautiful people. Damn. If they're beautiful, I'd hate to see ugly.

Lindsay Goes Shopping

I thought with Lindsay Lohan in rehab there would be a shortage of pictures of her, but apparently I was wrong. Lindsay seems to go out just as often while enrolled in rehab as she did before. The difference is that you now see her in daylight. And she's hanging around with a higher class of friends too. The side-show freak with the pink hair and the absurd tattoos (Why can't these muttonheads figure out tattoos are ugly? Oh, I see, being ugly is the point. Cause beauty is so conventional and mainstream. Not that people like this broad had much choice in the matter. She was ugly from birth - the tattoos merely underline the fact.). Yes, Lindsay definitely seems to be doing well. She's making new friends, and she's developing healthy habits. There's no reason for us to worry about her anymore. She's completely recovered.

Poshy And David: Reality Stars?

God help us, but there's a story going around that Poshy and David Beckham may be getting their own reality show. The Fox network (of course) has reportedly at least made an offer to them, and they are said to be mulling it over. The show, the be called The Beckhams (because The Two Vapid Nitwits wouldn't have sat well with them), would be modeled after The Osbournes. Great, another American reality show about low-rent Brits with foul mouths making a stupid spectacle of themselves. Of course, the difference is that The Osbournes were actually entertaining (until they started taking themselves way too seriously). The Beckhams, from what I can tell, have no discernible personalities. You could prop up cardboard cut-outs of them and no one would know the difference. The producers of this show, if it ever actually happens, are going to have to really use their imaginations to get any interesting material.

It's amusing to me that the American media are prepared to make such a big deal about the arrival of Poshy and David. I would've thought that, outside of people who read the blogs, no one over here is really that aware of them. Certainly no one watches soccer. And Poshy is not exactly what you would call a style icon in the States. Of course, before The Osbournes had their show, Ozzy was nothing but a fading rock-star, and Kelly and Jack and Sharon were completely unknown. Then they became cult figures. The best Poshy and Becks can hope for is to become maybe as popular as Ozzy and the gang, but I don't even see that happening. Unless they film Poshy hanging around with Tom and Katie a lot. It could be sort of like a reality show Married...With Children. Poshy and Dave as Peg and Al, and Tom and Katie as Steve and Marcy. Except, in this scenario, Steve is actually the gay one.

Jared Leto Tried To Beat Up Frodo

Jared Leto may be the biggest punk on the face of the earth. And I don't mean punk the way he wants me to mean it, like punk rocker (the poseur), but punk as in punk-ass bitch. Yeah, I'm saying it - Jared Leto is a punk-ass bitch (or a bitch-ass punk if you prefer). That's what I call people who pick fights with hobbits.

They're just little guys, hobbits. What kind of jerk tries to beat one up? Jared Leto, that's the kind. Last October at something called the MTVU Woodie Awards (new one by me). Frodo aka Elijah Wood is there, just chilling with his human buddies, and here comes punk-ass Leto getting all up in Frodo's face. And Frodo's all like, "What the hell man?" and Leto's like, "You totally dissed my band 30 Seconds to Mars in an interview with Blender magazine," and Frodo's like, "Dude, I'm sorry, it was nothing personal," and Leto's like, "I'm going to punch your hobbit face in" (this is all paraphrased by the way), and Frodo's like, "Where's Sam?" and Leto's like, "Sam can't help you now bitch," and that's when Gandalf totally swoops down and smites Leto with his staff. Or that was how it was told to me at least.

Jesus, what is with Jared Leto? Can this guy go ten minutes without getting in a fight with someone? He must really have a small penis. Either that or he's still trying to shake his dreamy Tiger Beat image left over from My So-Called Life. I hate to break it to Jared, but picking fights with Elijah Wood isn't going to win him much tough-guy cred. Actually, it only makes him look like a pansy. Now, if he went after someone really bad-ass, like The Rock, that would be impressive. Of course, a fight between Jared Leto and The Rock wouldn't be much of a fight. I'm sure Jared would be all feisty at the start, cause he'd be pumped full of drugs, but The Rock would only have to punch him once in the shoulder and Jared would start crying for his mommy. Hopefully The Rock would then pick him up and punt him into the next time-zone. People who pick on hobbits deserve to be launched into orbit by pro wrestlers.

Lindsay Update

It's been a week since Lindsay Lohan checked herself into the Wonderland treatment facility in Laurel Canyon. So, presumably, it's been that long since she had her last drink of anything stronger than herbal tea or whatever they give you in places like that. A week without booze - that's the longest Lindsay's gone since she was thirteen (those were some wild slumber parties). How's the little scamp holding up you may wonder? According to her friends, she's doing well. "She's been sending text messages from rehab saying she's the happiest she's ever been," reported one of these friends. "She seems under control right now."

Gee, that's nice to hear. Must be a really terrific program they have there at Wonderland. Very strict too, I'll bet. No loose rules for Lindsay just cause she's a star. Those people are really dedicated to getting Lindsay well. They'd never, for example, let her out of the joint to go have lunch with her friends. Of course not. That would be counter-productive. Allowing her to hang around with the same people who've been influencing her in such a destructive direction in the first place. And exposing her to the stresses of being out amongst the ravenous paparazzi. What Lindsay needs is some time away from all that. A few weeks of complete seclusion. Not even any trips to her house. Just the treatment center, the nice folks there, the herbal remedies, the occasional colonic irrigation. Lindsay needs to get all of those toxins out of her system. And when she's ready, she'll be able to emerge, a new woman. No more craziness for Lindsay. She'll be walking the straight and narrow from now on. And she definitely won't be hanging out with people like Paris Hilton anymore. Or doing nutty things like selling her own removed organs. Not the new-and-improved Lindsay. She'll be practically a saint.

Drew Barrymore And Hugh Grant At Presser

Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant attend a London press conference for their new movie Music and Lyrics. One question: When did Hugh Grant turn into a disheveled old man? He looks like he should be wandering around in slippers with pudding dribbling from his lip. If you saw him on the sidewalk, you would think he was some poor Alzheimer's sufferer who got away from the nursing home. I hope someone pins a note to his sleeve next time so whoever finds him will know where to call.

And just to drive that whole Hugh Grant Is A Senile Old Man point home, check out his pants:



Yes, Hugh has made a mess. But that's what happens when you become a senior citizen. You lose the ability to control your bladder.

By the way, Drew looks very cute. Except for all the crap hanging around her neck. I hope she doesn't fall into a lake, because she'll go straight to the bottom.