Brad Works It Out With The Paps

Brad Pitt is a very responsible father. Here we see him explaining to the paps that the kids will be coming to New Orleans soon, and he wants them to keep their distance. Gosh, he's dreamy.

Suri Pitches A Fit

Aw - just like daddy.

Dina And Michael's Statements

Lindsay Lohan's legal fate has been decided - now it's time for her ishy parents Dina and Michael to release their statements. Here's Michael's, via The Insider:

I am overjoyed that the system sees that Lindsay is getting the help she needed by putting her best foot forward and by going to rehab.

I think between her attorney, Blair Berk, and her therapists at Cirque Lodge, she's around people that care about her best welfare and Lindsay as a human being.

I just hope I can be part of the right path she is on.

Michael just loves talking about people putting their best foot forward. I wouldn't mind seeing someone put their best foot up Michael's ass, but that's just me. Also, Michael, there's no way anyone's "right path" could ever include you - unless it was the right path to becoming a fake Christian asshole con-artist.

And now Dina, via 24/Sizzler:

My children and I are in a wonderful place in our lives, and people just want to make things up and make us fall.

Which people are making up things to make you fall Dina? The police? They made up that Lindsay had cocaine on her, apparently (she did have it on her, just not enough of it to get charged with a felony). And that she drove under the influence twice. Oh wait - but didn't copping a plea constitute an admission of those things? If it never happened, why did she own up to it? I'm sorry Dina, but you never manage to elaborate when you call people out for making false accusations. You just say "they're lying" but never bother with specifics. It's quite sad, the way you try to avoid responsibility for your shitty parenting. But it doesn't really matter - we know you're to blame for Lindsay's disastrous situation. And you will eventually receive your punishment - when Lindsay's in jail and no longer able to earn, forcing you to either pimp out your uglier, less-talented children or go back to hooking yourself.

(source 1; source 2)

Doherty Enters Rehab

Crackhead singer Pete Doherty has been nagged into rehab by his family, who are worried his recent transgressions, including an alleged attack against a photographer, may finally earn the serial jail-avoider a trip to the slammer. Pete's Aunt Joan Cassidy is reportedly the one who at last wore the stubborn bastard down, and now he's enrolled in Clouds Rehab Centre in Salisbury, Wiltshire. I'm sure that'll last too.

(source)

More Lohan Automotive Mayhem

Lohans and cars just don't mix. This was proven once again last Friday when walking disaster Lindsay's little fugly singing sister Ali was involved in a traffic accident in Nassau County, New York. No, 13-year-old Ali wasn't driving - her 16-year-old male friend was. The friend allegedly took the car without his mother's permission, then picked up Ali who had herself snuck out of the house. The male, who only has his learner's permit, promptly smacked another vehicle, slightly injuring two of its occupants. Ali, being a Lohan, escaped the whole thing unharmed.

(source)

Winehouse Pours Her Sad Little Heart Out

Things have settled down in Amy Winehouse's life since her furious row with husband Blake Fielder-Civil which left the two of them bloodied and battered and wandering the streets at 4 am. She now has time to send text messages to Perez Hilton chastising him for saying bad things about her Blakey-poo on his blog. Here are Amy's messages to Perez:

Blake is the best man in the world. We would never ever harm each other. Take back what you said on the blog. I thought you was my girl. I was cutting myself after he found me in our room about to do drugs with a call girl and rightly said I wasn’t good enough for him. I lost it and he saved my life.

I’ll be alright. I need to fight my man’s corner for him though.

For the last time he did not and never has hurt me. Say I told you what happened on your blog. He has such a hard time and he so supportive. Please make amends. Kiss. Amy x

Please can you put up the truthful version straight away? It’s bad enough that it’s been there that long. I know you love me but he deserves the truth, he is an amazing man who saved my life again and got cut badly for his troubles. All he get is horrible stories printed about him and he just keeps quiet, but this i too much. Thanks girl. Amy

So Amy was about to do drugs with a call girl and Blake walked in and got angry with her and said Amy wasn't good enough for him and this wound up in her slicing his face. But they love each other so it's all cool. Lovely. Wonder what kind of gifts they buy each other on their birthdays. First-aid kits. Tubes of unguent. Emergency room coupons. Treat one nasty hot-grease burn get one free. Sure - Blake's a terrific guy. Obviously.

(source)

Nicole Richie Does Her Time

If you took a long shit yesterday afternoon, you may have missed Nicole Richie serving out her DUI sentence. The pregnant harlot friend of Paris Hilton, who got busted for being drugged up and driving her SUV the wrong way down the highway, checked into Lynwood, Paris's old stomping grounds (or make that pouting grounds), at 3:15 pm local time and was released at 4:37. She was in her cell for 35 of those 82 minutes, spending the rest of the time in processing. The sheriff's office said Ms. Richie was "cooperative." Boyfriend Joel Madden apparently rode to the jail with her, and was there when she was let out. Richie's original sentence called for her to spend 4 days in jail, but the old over-crowding got her sprung.

So let's see - Richie got 4 days but served 82 minutes, Lindsay got 4 days but will only serve 1 (if that), and Paris got 45 days and served 22. But Paris is clearly the richest of the three. So, obviously, money doesn't get you off - spending that money on the right lawyer is what gets you off.

(source)