Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Thanks, Sherlock


I don't mean to disillusion those who thought Jon Gosselin had found true love with Hailey Glassman, but according to one of her friends, bitch is only using the stupid ass to get famous.

"I think after realizing she had a connection to Jon through her father [the doctor who did Kate's tummy tuck] and that Jon and Kate's marriage was rocky, she saw an opportunity to get famous," the anonymous Glassman pal said.

The source says Glassman tried out for The Real World and some other reality shows before hitting the jackpot with gullible horndog Jon. And then there's this from the loser Hailey was fucking right before she hooked up with Jon:

A couple days [after Hailey and I broke up] a mutual friend was like, "Oh hey, your girl Hailey is pretty famous. She's dating this older guy who has like eight kids."

Another crafty slut gets the last laugh.

American Psycho Remake

The only thing creepier than Robert Pattinson is Robert Pattinson all cleaned up and wearing a suit. And no, Pattinson did not knock up K-Stew, so stop saying he did. Jealous haters.

(K-Stew, if you're reading this, I love you honey but you gotta stop with the distraught emails.)

Why Bother, Christian

Christian Bale has done horrible things to his hair and body, so he can play a crackhead former boxer in a movie called Playing a Washed-Up Wrestler Got Mickey Rourke an Oscar Nomination, So Maybe Playing a Washed-Up Boxer Will Get Me One (or something like that). Some will call this dedication but I call it masochism. And by the way, Christian, just being willing to starve yourself and have someone fuck your hair up doesn't make you a great actor. If that was all it took, Lindsay Lohan would have six Oscars by now.

Someone's Getting Reamed

I have no context for this photo of Angelina in her SUV. I have no idea if she's going through a drive-thru here, or screaming at a pap, or reaming out a pedestrian who failed to bow as she drove by. I'm going to assume that, if her window is rolled down and she's interacting with people outside the vehicle, she is either giving an order or delivering a tongue-lashing. The Queen of the Universe would have no other reason for lowering herself to acknowledge a peasant.

Nice Try Kelly

Kelly Clarkson thinks she can distract us from how fat she is by wearing a colorful shirt. Unfortunately, the shirt does nothing to hide her fat face or fat sausage fingers.

Negress, Please

Reason #1233 to hate Beyonce: She makes her little nephew wear a shirt that says "My Auntie Rocks." Full disclosure: I have no idea if that really is Beyonce's nephew, but I'm going to assume it based on the shirt.