Hypnotist

Super-villain Chace Crawford hypnotizes us with his eyes, so we will hand over the secret plans to the world's sickest sex dungeon. The only way to resist him? Thinking about Ed Westwick.

Pluck You

Doesn't anyone pluck? I'm not complaining - I like 'em hairy. I'm just asking as a matter of anthropological curiosity. This youth culture is strange and mysterious to me. It's clearly very gay - again, not a bad thing.

Caption: Will trade swag for butt-sex.

Starting To Crack

Lindsay Lohan is edging inexorably back toward dick. According to the Mirror, the "lesbian" actress recently got Gossip Girl male hottie Chace Crawford's number and has been calling and texting him up to four times a day ever since. Vagina be damned! Except for her own of course. Funny thing is, Chace wants no part of Lohan and her renewed interest in the male member. Possibly because he himself is in love with dick, especially Ed Westwick's. Fuck - it's like a sexual orientation merry-go-round. My head's spinning.

Ed Westwick Doesn't Pick Up Women

Gossip Girl star Ed Westwick has addressed rumors that he and co-star Chace Crawford are sexing each other up. "People think Chace is gay, and thought I was gay, that we were humping," said Westwick. "It's not true, but hilarious. People project their fantasies onto people. I've never been someone who makes it my objective to go out and pick up chicks. But I've met some fantastic ladies here [in America]. You know those amazing conversations where you find yourself in a café talking until 2 a.m. and never see them again."

Um, dude...the idea is to talk to them till 2 a.m. then get them to go somewhere with you so you can pound them. Oh, I see - you enjoy conversation with strange women in bars.

Gay.

Crawford, Westwick, Teen Choice

Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick bring their are they or aren't they vibe to the Teen Choice Awards. Just what every awards show dedicated to teens needs - a nice homosexual subtext. The seated one (I believe it's Crawford but don't quote me) looks like a Ryan Seacrest clone, except his teeth are not quite big and white and flashing enough.

Really Good Friends

Gossip Girl co-stars Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford (don't ask me which of the above is which cause I have no idea) are very good friends...maybe too good, going by the following eyewitness account of their activities at a recent concert:

They were never more than a foot apart. If one moved two feet to the left, so did the other. It was freaky.

Aw, they're a cute couple still in that can't-be-apart phase. They'll get over it soon enough.