The Family That Gets Work Done Together...

Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora should do a reality show. It could be all about how they've gotten closer through their mutual love of plastic surgery and there could be a big episode where Heather finally talks Richie into giving up his '80s hair and he's all emotional and Jon Bon Jovi comes and comforts him and Richie has the hair made into a wig that he gives to a little boy who's dying of cancer and the boy's like, "What's up with this bitch?" Richie's a little sick of people thinking he's Mickey Rourke I bet.

Walking Free

Heather Locklear goes about her daily business despite being in the middle of a huge controversy involving a crazy ex-tabloid employee who apparently called 911 on her then sold pics of her getting arrested for big dough. Heather should be thanking that nutty woman - she hasn't gotten this much run in years. She plays her cards right, there'll be a reality show or maybe even a sitcom in it for her.

That's So 2007

Heather Locklear was busted for DUI in Montecito, California on Saturday after being pulled over for erratic driving. The former person of minor importance was apparently high on prescription meds at the time. Poor Heather...doesn't she know getting pulled over for DUI is totally out? If you want attention now you have to either go lesbian or attack Sarah Palin. Was Heather wearing bloomers when she was pulled over?

Heather Locklear is Anxious and Depressed

Heather Locklear has checked herself into treatment to deal with anxiety and depression. In other words, she is on drugs.

"Heather has been dealing with anxiety and depression," said Heather's flack. "She requested an in-depth evaluation of her medication and entered into a medical facility for proper diagnosis and treatment."

Only Scientology can help Heather now.

Richie Sambora is a Giant Idiot

Richie Sambora was busted for DUI after driving his black Hummer in erratic fashion around L.A. Tuesday night.

So what, you say? Another star busted for DUI? Happens all the time in La-La Land?

Maybe. But, normally, stars busted for DUI don't have their 10-year-old daughters in the car with them at the time.

Yes folks, you heard me right...Richie Sambora was driving around wasted with his own daughter Ava in the vehicle with him. Now the Bon Jovi guitarist and ex-husband of Heather Locklear may face child endangerment charges to go with the DUI charges he will already be facing.

Okay, here's the deal...if you drive drunk you are an idiot. But, it's still possible, assuming you don't kill anyone in the course of your idiocy, to beg the world's forgiveness, and clean up your act and eventually be let off the hook.

However, if you drive drunk with your own kid in the car? You are an idiot of such unbelievable scope and dimension that there can never be any redemption for you. I don't care if you get on your knees and say you're sorry a thousand times. I don't care if you beat yourself with branches to show how sorry you are. I don't care if you start a stop drunk driving foundation that raises thousands of dollars. I don't care if you become Mother Fucking Teresa afterward...you are an idiot forever and ever and ever and you should never be allowed to forget what you did.

Ever.

Heather Locklear's Shrink Needs a Shrink

Britney Spears and Owen Wilson aren't the only ones who get involved in suicide melodramas. Over the weekend, a call was placed to the police saying actress Heather Locklear was about to kill herself. Cops raced over to Heather's place only to find her chipper as could be.

A crank call was suspected for a time, but now it's come out that Heather's shrink actually placed the call. Apparently, Heather had said something that made the shrink think she was about to take an overdose of depression pills. Shrink got punked?

Sounds like Heather needs a new shrink...one that's a little less trigger-happy with the hotline to the cops. I'm sure the police in L.A. have better things to do than watch out for dimbulbs who can't keep track of their medication. Who will chase down Lindsay Lohan if they're all busy making sure Heather Locklear's okay?