I Think She Might Be Pregnant

Either Heidi Klum is pregnant or she is turning into a giant Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle head. Seal edged out Tina Fey for best facial scarring of the evening. At least Seal doesn't have an attitude about it, you know?

Does it Light Up?

I don't know why the Victoria's Secret people think shit like this is necessary. Don't they know they're just distracting all the wankers from their wanking? They don't know if they're supposed to jerk off to this or cut it out and pin it to their lapel in honor of some disease.

Damage

Seal likes it rough, obviously...

Why Didn't Seal Kick His Ass?

John Mayer was hanging out with Heidi Klum at one of the hot-spots the other night when the guitar God decided to strip to his underwear and do a dance. Heidi reportedly laughed hysterically - there is no account of her husband Seal's reaction, nor is it certain that Seal was even present. A happier ending to this post would been something like, "Seal took Mayer by his wee package and threw him through a plate-glass window." Anything that ends with John Mayer being chucked through something is good - even better if he lands in the street and is flattened by a bakery truck.

Is He Going to Curse At Himself?

Seal doesn't know someone is taking a picture of him taking a picture of himself and Heidi Klum - otherwise he would be foaming at the mouth.

Heidi Klum Digs McDonald's

Heidi Klum demonstrates how she goes down on Seal. Yes, Seal has three dicks that look like McDonald's chicken wraps.

Seal Gets Mad at Paps

Seal loses it on the paps outside Madeo. Dang Seal. Take a cheeeel peeeeel.

Why don't you ask your mother how I feel. Good one Seal.

Not!

Heidi Klum keeps her mouth shut. Just like at home.

Heidi Klum And Seal Look Like Retards

Heidi Klum and Seal painted up at Disneyland. It wouldn't have been so bad, if only Seal had abstained from doing the tiger-claw gesture. That pushes it right over the edge into abject retardation.