James Blunt, Man-Slut

From The Please God Don't Let It Be True Department...There's a ski resort out in the middle of Switzerland somewhere full of chalet girls who claim to have had their virginity taken by singer James Blunt. By one account, the actual number of young females who've been deflowered at this particular resort by Blunt reaches into the hundreds. And the girls aren't shy about declaring the identity of he who made them into women - they actually walk around wearing t-shirts saying, "James Blunt Took My Virginity."

A frequent guest at the resort said of Blunt's activities:

He does very well for himself when he comes here. Last season, I saw loads of the chalet girls working out there wearing T-shirts emblazoned with 'James Blunt took my virginity.' I can't believe he's had all of them, but going on his previous form, I suppose you can never rule anything out.

Okay, let's get one thing straight - there's no fucking way all those women were virgins before Blunt stuck his thing in them. In fact, I'm guessing most of them weren't, meaning the t-shirt thing is really nothing but a not-very-funny joke.

Secondly...any woman who allows James Blunt to touch her anywhere in a sexual way is so lacking in taste that, frankly, it's no surprise they would also go around boasting of having been conquered by him. Obviously, James goes for the easiest targets he can find, people like Lindsay Lohan and Petra Nemcova. These Swiss chalet girls he's banging...it only takes a couple sips of wine to get them to spread for you. I know cause someone told me.

(source)

Reese Witherspoon And James Blunt?

James Blunt had screwed every famous woman on earth except Reese Witherspoon and Ellen Degeneres. Now, you can knock Reese off that list. Via Crazy Days and Nights:

Earlier this month, James played the El Rey Theatre in LA. Reese was there early with three other friends and they went straight to the bar where she was seated at a VIP table. She and her friends immediately began chugging white whine like it was Tickle Pink and meanwhile one hit wonder man was doing his thing on stage.

When James finished his set, he went into the bar looking for someone who would give his scraggly ass a second look, and Reese practically ran to him. Ran to him like he was an inhaler and she was dying of an asthma attack.

She invited him back to the table and proceeded to kiss his ass for the next hour or so and the two wouldn't let any of Reese's friends join in the conversation. They exchanged numbers but I'm hopeful that he sticks to his 20 year old super models and lets Reese go. I wonder if she bought his new CD? God, I hope he didn't bring one over to her house and take out a pen if you know what I mean. That's one thing that I wouldn't be able to handle if he signed.

One of these days someone is going to explain to me the appeal of James Blunt. From what I can see, the guy is basically Chris Martin with more facial-hair and grodier teeth. He looks like he smells. Bad. Like the floor of a bar bathroom. But I guess some chicks dig that kind of thing. Reese apparently does. Not that her taste is anything to write home about anyway - I mean, she did marry Ryan Phillippe.

(source)

Paris Hilton Likes Her Some Blunt

Paris Hilton is such a slut, it actually makes your head spin. For the last few weeks, we had been told that the flighty heiress was dating Josh Henderson of Desperate Housewives fame - but in the world of Paris, "dating" means something a little different than it does for everybody else. Apparently, for Paris, "dating" means sticking your tongue down somebody's throat in public, then ceasing to pay attention to them because you're too busy obsessing over your own imagined fabulousness. You know, you treat men like dogs - show them affection when you feel like it, and ignore them the rest of the time. Well, Paris has apparently moved on from Josh Henderson to a new dog - James Blunt.

Crooner Blunt, who recently broke up with model/functional retard Petra Nemcova, was seen snogging Paris at Teddy's Wednesday night. You know the drill: "They were all over each other."; "They ended up at Paris's house afterward." Paris's house - is that the one with pictures of Paris covering every square inch of wall space? Wonder what old James thought when he saw that. "Wow - this chick really digs herself." At that point, I believe, a rational man - you know, one who was using his brain for thinking - would perform a neat 180 and get the hell out of there. Not James apparently. He stayed - and now he and Paris are "dating." Which means he can look forward to having his tonsils massaged at Teddy's for a few more nights. Assuming Paris doesn't forget he's there altogether.

(source)

James Blunt Probably Ran Over A Guy's Foot

Singer James Blunt was involved in a car accident outside a pre-Oscar party Saturday, say authorities. There's no word yet as to Blunt's exact role in said mishap, but reportedly, it involved a man having his foot run over.

So, there's your story - James Blunt was completely drunk and ran over a guy's foot, crushing the bones to a powder. The man was rushed to a hospital where the foot was amputated. Then the other foot was amputated just to be on the safe side. Then his left arm was taken off just for giggles.

Blunt's model girlfriend Petra Nemcova is said to be even more distraught than she was when the tsunami hit and she wound up bear-hugging a palm tree for three days. "Why am I going out with James Blunt?" Petra is asking herself. Same question everyone else has been asking for months.