Angelina Blows Up at the Box Office

Angelina Jolie's R-rated action thriller Wanted took in $51 million its first weekend at the box-office, making it the #1 June opening for an R-rated film in history, and the 6th-biggest first weekend ever for a movie with that MPAA rating.

As a service to you, his fans, the Crabster hauled himself out to this. Actually, I have to confess...I'm a fan of the director Timur Bekmambetov, who made the insane Russian action movies Night Watch and Day Watch. So I would've seen it anyway. But let's pretend I did it for you.

The movie stars the scrumptious James McAvoy as this incredibly nebbishy office worker who finds out that his father was a member of an ancient society of assassins operating out of a Chicago textile mill. I say "was" because the old man has been bumped off by this other rogue assassin who the weaver/assassins now want dead. So, McAvoy has to fulfill his destiny by joining the assassins and doing in the man who killed his father.

McAvoy's tutor is played by Angelina Jolie in all her hardcore tattooed glory. The problem with Angie here is the same as always...she's too damned impressed with herself and her zen bad-ass minimalism. And she's always got that little I'm so hot smirk playing at the corners of her lips. Thankfully, the movie does not depend on her. It hinges on the director's ability to conceive and stage outlandish action sequences, and weave them through a twisty, wholly unbelievable plot. Bekmambetov is good at that, though the movie lacks the darkly mythic gravitas of his Russian films.

Bekmambetov's trump card is his exuberance. He enjoys his work. He likes jokes but doesn't undermine his own effects by winking at you. His energies are infectious. I hate action movies that give you the feeling of mere application of craft - there needs to be some underlying conviction and Bekmambetov has that. A movie with this much carnage could easily become wearying, but Bekmambetov gets such a kick out of topping himself that you get swept up in it. As nonsense goes, this is top-drawer. And, without spoiling the ending...well, let's just say something happens to Angie that will probably get a cheer out of certain people.

James McAvoy Enjoyed Being Beaten Up by Angelina

James McAvoy says kissing scenes with Wanted co-star Angelina Jolie made him nervous...but he actually enjoyed the ones where she had to kick his ass.

"I'm always nervous about doing the kissing scenes - they're never comfortable, they're always kind of weird, they're not enjoyable, do you know what I mean?" McAvoy said. "But the fight scenes, getting beaten up by her all the time is fine, that was fun. That's one of the reasons I did the job, is to do all those scenes."

Angie's good at beating people up. She practices on Brad. Of course she doesn't have to actually touch him. One look from her and he experiences incredible pain, especially in his former ball area.

Protein Shakes Made James McAvoy Fart Like a Spears

James McAvoy was using protein shakes to bulk up for his role opposite Angelina Jolie in Wanted. But the shakes gave him such horrible gas that he finally had to quit them.

"They really helped - but they do come with the unfortunate side effect of violent flatulence," McAvoy explained.

"I gave up taking them and just tried to eat as much steak and chicken as I could."

I've got all the protein you'll ever need right here James.

James McAvoy Also Turned into a Puddle of Jelly Before Angelina

Brad Pitt isn't the only man to completely lose his balls when faced with Angelina Jolie's overwhelming feminine lifeforce. It also happened to scrumptious James McAvoy, who co-stars with Jolie in the forthcoming film Wanted.

"I was nervous but after five minutes I thought this is going to be all right, it's cool. She was in very good shape," McAvoy said.

"It could be anybody when you're kissing someone on film, you have to make it look good. She's pretty much in control of the situation."

Because she had her steel-claw hand clamped down on your manhood the whole time. One false move and...riiiiiip.

Hitchcock-Themed Vanity Fair Spread

Vanity Fair always comes up with something clever for their big movie issue. This year it's a spread featuring famous present-day actors recreating scenes from Hitchcock movies. The above is Seth Rogen doing Cary Grant from North By Northwest. I guess the joke here is that the scruffy Rogen is about as far from debonair Grant as you can get. He looks like Philip Seymour Hoffman there kind of. Hey Seth - don't have a heart attack. Sorry, I'll take Cary...



I like this one - Emile Hirsch and James McAvoy doing Farley Granger and Robert Walker from Strangers on a Train. I like imagining Emile and James being embroiled in this perverse homosexual thing that plays out as a murder story. My favorite shot in Strangers is when Granger's playing tennis and Hitchcock shows all the spectators looking back and forth with the ball, then dollies in on Walker just sitting there eerily staring at Farley. How come directors aren't that imaginative anymore? They're too busy trying to beat my brains in with their fast cutting and crazy shaking camera shit. Fuck those obnoxious twits - not a single one of them can hold a candle to Hitchcock.

(source)

British Homos Want To Screw Daniel Craig

A new survey of British fags (in other words all British men) finds that more of them want to screw James Bond star Daniel Craig than any other UK actor. James McAvoy came in second followed by Jude Law and Ewan McGregor.

British lesbians most desire Keira Knightley (blech), with Kate Winslet and Rachel Weisz placing second and third.

How would Prince Harry have done had they opened this survey up to include all celebs, not just actors? Oh, and what about David Beckham? He would've kicked Craig's ass I bet. Then fucked it.

(source)

So Pretty

James McAvoy and some slag at the premiere of Atonement. Dang, McAvoy is pretty. Talented too. Unlike some people...