Consolation Prize?

Drew Barrymore was just about the only cast member of Grey Gardens who didn't win anything last night at the Emmys. But that's okay, she still got to go home with Justin Long.

Ugh. Sorry Drew.

Dazed and Confused

Kirsten Dunst is so out of it, she doesn't even know she's been dating Justin Long for weeks. "I don't know him from Adam," she told Harper's Bazaar when asked about the relationship. "I met him once and he and his friend were kind enough to walk me home. I've never seen him since." Who does she think that guy is in the pictures then? Crap, she needs another stint in rehab. I don't think the first one took.

Why the Long Face?

Mac Guy is depressed after his break-up with Drew Barrymore. A spy for Page 6 saw him "looking miserable" while talking to a friend at the Bowery Hotel, and heard him utter upon leaving, "I just want to go in my room and be alone." Just keep Mary-Kate Olsen away from him, unless you want another Heath Ledger deal on your hands.

Desperate Dunst

Kirsten Dunst may have kicked substances, but she's yet to get over her habit of throwing herself at anything with a dick. Page 6 says the Spider Man starlet made a play for Into the Wild hottie Emile Hirsch after waiting around outside the Bowery Hotel in New York for him. That apparently didn't work out, because two days later, according to OK! Magazine, Kirsten was all over Drew Barrymore's ex Justin Long instead.

Poor Kiki...she doesn't realize that sex will never fill the empty place in her soul. Nor will booze or drugs or whatever else she indulges in. She needs religion. Kabbalah maybe or Scientology. Something to nourish her spirit and bring her out of despair (for a fee).

Barrymore and Long No More

Drew Barrymore and the Mac Guy have broken up. Really? They were supposed to be the epitome of non-celebish celebrity happiness. Now they're done. Is there hope for any of us?

I wonder what caused the split. Maybe Barrymore's back on blow again. Or maybe Justin wasn't long enough for her.

Harmless

Drew Barrymore and Mac Guy are still at it. When will they get married and start a dull little family?

People Who Make Me Sick: Drew Barrymore and Justin Long

A random attack against Justin Long and Drew Barrymore, two otherwise innocuous people:

God put a bra on Drew you filthy fucking skank! And Justin...Jesus, could you be any whiter?

The preceding was a random attack against Justin Long and Drew Barrymore, two otherwise innocuous people.

Drew Barrymore Hearts Justin Long

Drew Barrymore and Justin Long kiss in public. No, I ain't gonna rip them for their little hetero PDA. I actually think it's nice that two people can make a gratuitous public display of their affection while keeping their mouths closed. I get sick of the slobbering. P.S. they both still suck.