Richies In Black

Lionel Richie scored a rare gig - the Michael Jackson memorial - and dragged retarded Nicole (god-daughter of Michael BTW) and her mentally challenged husband (don't ask me to remember his name) along with him. It's like I always say: nothing brings out the Hollywood scum like a chance to fake-mourn. Actually I never say that, but whatever.

Which Of These Things Is Not Like The Others?

Okay you've got Taylor Swift there, Demi Lovato, the Jonas Brothers, Ryan Seacrest hosting and...Lionel Richie? How the fuck did he get past security? Seacrest turned around and he was like, "Woah, Lionel. I thought you died five years ago in a horrible natural gas explosion at a homeless shelter." I'm glad to see Taylor Swift has gotten past her heartbreak over the one Jonas twit dumping her. Funny how fast we can put those things aside when someone offers us money to be on television.

Lionel Richie Prepares for the Inevitable Day When He Receives Custody

Lionel Richie holds his sort-of granddaughter Harlow. He might as well get used to the fact that, eventually, he will end up with custody of the kid. There's no way Nicole's getting through the next 18 years without being deemed unfit. And you know that Joel Madden character ain't gonna stick around either. Yeah, he'll change dirty diapers now...it's always cute at the beginning. But then the novelty wears off, and you either find a relative to dump them off on or contrive an accident involving a car and a hot day.