Take That, Streep

Meryl Streep didn't win anything at the Golden Globes and neither did Angelina Jolie...because Kate Winslet was too busy taking all the awards. "Look at me bitches," she is clearly thinking in the above photo. "I got two and you got nothing but a champagne buzz! Every tooth can rot out of my ugly English mouth and I won't care because I rock and you are all losers!" Shouldn't be any surprise. Revolutionary Road is exactly the kind of shrill, shallow, soapy nonsense that always wins, and The Reader...well, it's the Holocaust. That's the surest way to attract awards short of a story about gentle retards.

Dark Knight Hype

The Dark Knight is getting hyped to high-heaven. Will it break $150 million this weekend? Will Heath Ledger get a posthumous Oscar nomination? Will Maggie Gyllenhaal inspire a whole generation of young males to give homosexuality a try? We can only hope...

I may see it this weekend, if I can gird up my loins and endure all those teenage boys with their Red Bull buzzes and Axe body-spray reek. Or maybe I'll take advantage of the emptiness of the other theaters to see something I've missed so far like Wall E or Journey to the Center of the Earth. I definitely won't be seeing Mamma Mia! I couldn't imagine anything lamer than a musical with Pierce Brosnan and Meryl Streep. Hugh Jackman should be in that...all musicals should have Hugh Jackman in them. Hell, all movies should have Hugh Jackman in them (I realize that would tire him out, but I'm selfish and don't care).

Speaking of Hugh Jackman...the only Christopher Nolan movie I ever liked was The Prestige, with its gorgeous lighting and twisty, metaphysically puzzling plot. I was never a huge Memento guy...just running the story backward isn't that great a gimmick, and Guy Pearce has always struck me as shallow. And Batman Begins was just a big fat snore. Truthfully, the only reason anyone cares so much about Dark Knight is Ledger. It's morbid curiosity mostly. It's probably an earth-shattering performance anyway, but the fact that he died is naturally going to make it seem more profound. So it's kind of cheating.

I notice I didn't mention Christian Bale. That's because Christian Bale doesn't interest me and never has. He's good at playing psychos, but when human warmth is called for, better get someone else. I bet he has a chandelier made out of a Chinese girl's skeleton stashed away somewhere.