Showing posts with label Nicolas Cage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nicolas Cage. Show all posts

Friday, November 6, 2009

Ghost Rider Non-Reboot

I can't imagine why anyone would think a sequel to Ghost Rider was a good idea. Nevertheless, a Ghost Rider 2 is being made, and Nicolas Cage is on for the title role.

According to writer David Goyer, the new film will represent a shift in tone away from pure comic book mayhem to something "darker" and "more realistic." But, says Goyer, "It's not exactly a reboot."

Perhaps raising the bar of expectations higher than someone should who is working on a sequel to a movie everyone thinks is crap, Goyer adds, "What Casino Royale was to the Bond movies, hopefully this will be to Ghost Rider."

Or, maybe trying to make a movie about a dude with a flaming skull for a head who rides around on a motorcycle is just a bad idea pure and simple?

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Keep Your Eyes On The Money Nic

Nicolas Cage has made millions of dollars over the years starring in cinematic masterpieces like Ghost Rider and The Wicker Man. Nevertheless, as we speak, Nicolas Cage finds himself facing bankruptcy and a possible ass-whupping by the IRS.

And how exactly does one of the most successful movie stars in the world end up in such dire straits? It's simple. He hired someone else to watch his money, then didn't watch the guy he hired to watch his money.

The guy, business advisor Samuel Levin, is now being sued by Cage for "[lining] his pockets with several million dollars in business management fees while sending Cage down a path toward financial ruin."

"Financial ruin" in this case means a reported $20 million in losses, including $6 million owed to the IRS and $5 million in mortgage debt. He needs to get on the horn with the tax relief specialists, stat.

Actually, Cage has already begun the process of trying to restore his financial standing. He has sold off assets including his comic book collection and Bavarian castle.

Imagine, a man with a $2 million comic book collection and his own personal Bavarian castle being irresponsible with money.

Sadly, Nic Cage has no one to blame for this but himself. Nic Cage wanted to live a life free from responsibility and care. Nic Cage wanted to blow bucks on silly things and not worry about all that messy financial reality. Nic Cage wanted to read his comic books, have his friends over to his Bavarian castle, marry Elvis's daughter and basically stay 14 forever.

And - surprise, surprise - some unscrupulous person came along, realized what an easy mark the devil-may-care Nic Cage would be, and took him for all he could get.

Let this be a warning to all you big-shot movie stars who don't want to deal with all that irritating paper work and legal stuff: there are people who will pretend to want to help you, but they actually want to screw you. Yes, it's true - sometimes when people flatter you and kiss your ass, they are only trying to get in with you so they can rip you off. They don't actually mean all the compliments.

Poor Nic Cage. Poor dumb, self-involved bastard.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Betty Draper And Nic Cage?

Mad Men star and pro-shark activist January Jones has joined the cast of the Nicolas Cage thriller The Hungry Rabbit Jumps. The story, according to The Hollywood Reporter, concerns a man who hires a vigilante group to avenge the terrible crime committed against his wife. Naturally, the man lives to regret hiring the vigilante group.

Like I always say, if you've got a terrible crime committed against your wife to avenge, do it yourself, or pay a down-and-out relative to do it. Vigilante groups are nothing but trouble.

January, as you may already have guessed, will be playing the wife against whom the terrible crime is committed. Sadly, the movie is not set in the '60s, so January won't get to wear any of those awesome Betty Draper clothes.

I love January on Mad Men and I'm glad to see her getting juicy Hollywood parts, but I'm not sure hitching your wagon to Nic Cage's star is the best move right about now. The term "death spiral" comes to mind when pondering his recent career.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Things You Think Are Cool When You're Really, Really High



Someone must've been bombed on the greatest leaf in the history of the cosmos when they came up with the idea for Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans.

"We're gonna do a remake of that Harvey Keitel movie Bad Lieutenant, see? And we're gonna have it be in New Orleans. And Nicolas Cage is gonna play the bad lieutenant. And it's gonna be directed by Werner Herzog of Fitzcarraldo fame. And it's gonna be the most fuckin-a crazy bad-ass fucked-up movie in the whole god damn world, man. And I'm gonna tell someone this idea as soon as I get myself out of this bathtub where I've been for the last three days. Wait, do I still have legs?"

Friday, September 12, 2008

At Least it's Not Nicolas Cage...


Michael Douglas
is reportedly being pursued by Steven Soderbergh to play Liberace in a new biopic by the director. I'm assuming they would be using CGI on Douglas - unless the whole idea of this movie is that Liberace was actually a peat bog mummy. They can cast Douglas if they want - I'm just glad they went away from Nicolas Cage who was rumored to be interested in this part for years. Cage now sucks the interest from everything he touches and makes it insufferably lame. Which is sad because he used to be a fantastic wild-man sort of actor. I'm guessing they'll be doing the whole tortured homo angle with Liberace. They better get the rings right, is all I'm saying.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Most Worthless

Nicole Kidman has been named the most overpaid Hollywood star by Forbes magazine. The rag says Kidman's films made only $1 for every dollar the actress was paid, with her disastrous horror movie The Invasion actually losing $2.68 for every dollar of the $17 million she was given to appear. The eternally pregnant Jennifer Garner finished second on the list, with an average of $3.60 made for every dollar she was compensated. Tom Cruise finished 3rd, largely thanks to the bomb Lions for Lambs. The remainder of the top 10:

4. Cameron Diaz
5. Jennifer Lopez
6. Jim Carrey
7. Nicolas Cage
8. Drew Barrymore
9. Will Ferrell
10. Cate Blanchett

Friday, April 4, 2008

Kathleen Turner Apologizes for Saying Nicolas Cage Stole a Dog


Bloated loonbag Kathleen Turner has been forced to apologize to flaming wacko Nicolas Cage after claiming in a book that Cage once stole a Chihuahua.

Cage took Turner to court over the allegedly defamatory statements, which appear in Turner's memoir Send Yourself Roses. The case was finally settled in London's High Court, with Turner and the book's publishers both agreeing to publicly apologize, and give a substantial donation to a charity of Cage's choice.

The trouble-making extract from Turner's book appeared in this very blog a couple months ago. It read:

Now, Nicolas happens to be the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola, who was directing [Peggy Sue Got Married]. And my contrary co-star was absolutely determined to prove that he wasn't there as the result of nepotism.

So, everything Francis wanted him to do, he went against - to show that he wasn't under his uncle's wing. Which was ridiculous. Oh, that stupid voice of his and the fake teeth! Honestly, I cringe to think about it.

He caused so many problems. He was arrested twice for drunk-driving and, I think, once for stealing a dog. He'd come across a Chihuahua he liked and stuck it in his jacket.

On the last night of filming, he came into my trailer after he'd clearly been drinking heavily. He fell on his knees and asked if I could ever forgive him. I said, "Not right now. I have a scene to shoot. Excuse me," and just walked out.

Nicolas didn't manage to kill the film, but he didn't add a lot to it, either. For years, whenever I saw him, he'd apologise for his behaviour. I'd say: "Look, I'm way over it." But I haven't pursued the idea of working with him again.


What Kathleen needs to understand is that, when you accuse people of being arrested, it's your word against the court and police records. So it's not really that hard for people to prove you lied. Fat stupid bitch.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Kathleen Turner: Old, Fat And Really Mean


There's nothing Crabbie loves more than one celeb dishing the dirt on other celebs. Oh the exquisite joy of betrayed confidences! Thankfully, there are plenty of stroppy old cows out there who are eager to make a buck by cramming their autobiographies full of such nasty tales. Like Kathleen Turner, whose new book about her life is laced with plenty of dirt on her various co-stars.

An excerpt from Kathleen's book, Send Yourself Roses, is featured in the Daily Mail. In this bit, Kathleen discusses her experience with William Hurt, her co-star in the controversial Body Heat:

Working with Bill Hurt was - shall we say - enlightening. In those days, he was pretty wild. He drank a great deal and took a lot of recreational drugs - he loved those magic mushrooms. He loved women, too; I don't know how many he went through during filming.

Bill always wanted to stay in character and be called 'Ned', even off-stage. He'd get a little teed off when I was chatting with the cameraman up to the moment we were ready to act.

My way of letting off tension is to have a laugh and then get to work - but Bill thought I wasn't taking my acting seriously enough. He'd glare at me and say he just couldn't understand how I could switch so instantly into character.


Apparently, Kathleen is not a great proponent of Method acting.

Here Turner discusses working with noted wack-job Ken Russell and the late Anthony Perkins on Crimes of Passion:

Ken was drinking a great deal at the time, and as the days went on, things got increasingly out of hand. Anthony, who had an appalling drug habit, was taking illegal substances in front of all of the crew. You could see his heart beating a mile a minute.

Everywhere he went, he carried a little bottle that I was told was benzyl nitrate. We'd rehearse a scene, then before the call to "Roll camera," he'd take out his bottle and sniff it with each nostril.

His face would go red and he'd break into a sweat - and suddenly I'd have no idea whether he was in control of himself or not. It was scary. I was quite worried about getting hurt.

Before one scene, where my character had to go from abject misery to laughter in a matter of seconds, Anthony said to me "You won't be able to do that without some of this," and tried to hand me his drugs.

I said: "Oh yeah? Watch me, asshole." But actually, working with Ken and Anthony was nearly impossible.


A running theme here seems to be Turner's natural acting ability versus the dubious techniques of her co-stars.

Turner also discusses Nicolas Cage, with whom she starred in the marvelous Peggy Sue Got Married:

Now, Nicolas happens to be the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola, who was directing the film. And my contrary co-star was absolutely determined to prove that he wasn't there as the result of nepotism.

So, everything Francis wanted him to do, he went against - to show that he wasn't under his uncle's wing. Which was ridiculous. Oh, that stupid voice of his and the fake teeth! Honestly, I cringe to think about it.

He caused so many problems. He was arrested twice for drunk-driving and, I think, once for stealing a dog. He'd come across a chihuahua he liked and stuck it in his jacket.

On the last night of filming, he came into my trailer after he'd clearly been drinking heavily. He fell on his knees and asked if I could ever forgive him. I said, "Not right now. I have a scene to shoot. Excuse me," and just walked out.

Nicolas didn't manage to kill the film, but he didn't add a lot to it, either. For years, whenever I saw him, he'd apologise for his behaviour. I'd say: "Look, I'm way over it." But I haven't pursued the idea of working with him again.


How can Kathleen say that? Cage is hilarious in that movie. She knows nothing.

Kathleen also brings the hammer down on Raquel Welch, who once auditioned to replace her in a production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof:

One afternoon, my male co-star came into my dressing room and said: "You gotta come. You gotta see this, Kathleen." We crept in through the back door of the theatre and watched as Raquel Welch did an audition.

"Well, I just don't think that Kathleen has ever been feline enough," we heard her say. She was going around the stage with her hands like claws, hissing and making cat gestures. Oddly enough, the producers decided not to use her.


Ah, but Kathleen reserves some of her most potent venom for Burt Reynolds, with whom she co-starred in the disastrous His Girl Friday remake Switching Channels:

My unhappiest experience as an actress? Well, that would have to be a film called Switching Channels, which came out in 1987.

It had all started well enough. I'd had two rehearsals in New York with the wonderful Michael Caine, who'd signed to play my husband. But Michael had to leave to finish the latest Jaws film - Jaws IV, V, VI, whatever - and the shark machinery kept breaking down.

He didn't have a stop date for when he'd be free and I had my own stop date, for a very important reason: I was pregnant. When it was plain that Michael couldn't join us before I grew too big, the producer hired Burt Reynolds.

For whatever reason, the first thing Burt said to me was: "I've never taken second billing to a woman."

I excused myself, ran to my hotel room and called my husband, breaking into tears. Jay said: "Dry your eyes, be cool, go back, just do the film."

I did go back. But, oh, every day there were nasty little digs. For instance, because of my pregnancy, the production team had given me a golf cart so I didn't have to walk around too much - and Burt even made fun of that. He was just nasty!

One day, we started shooting a scene that Michael Caine and I had rehearsed, where we finish each other's sentences like old married couples do. Making that dialogue work needed real skill. It had to be fast; it had to be sharp. But Burt just couldn't do it.

The director finally said: "Look, why don't we just shoot line by line?" And, idiot that I am, I shot back: "Because it's called a scene, that's why."

From that day on, Burt and I were sworn enemies. He later accused me of trying to get him sacked every day and publicly declared that the sound of my name made him want to vomit.

I won't be rushing to work with him again, either.


Oh Kathleen - all the plastic surgery in the world can't make you a happy woman, can it?

(source)

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Nicolas Cage - Bald And Hungry


Nicolas Cage has himself a bite to eat in Capri. Nice sand-trap there Nic. I think it might be time to consider Rogaine. Or plugs. Or maybe you could have your kid Kal-El fly backward around the earth, winding time back to when you had hair. And a career.

Damn dude, you gonna eat all of that? Bald washed-up fat-ass.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Nicolas Cage May Have A Load In His Pants


Nicolas Cage clowns around while on a break from shooting National Treasure 2. At least, I think he's clowning around. It's also possible that he's filling his pants. "Oh baby, I need a diaper change. Woo that was a stinky one."

I apologize to everyone for that bit. But, it's a slow day.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Nic Cage Has Tom Hanks Hair

Nicolas Cage and Eva Mendes on the road in Madrid promoting Ghost Rider. Hey look, Nic Cage has Tom Hanks hair.

Hanks allegedly got this hair from taking Propecia. A lot of people found it distracting while watching The Da Vinci Code, but I was more bothered by the fact that the movie sucked ten kinds of ass. Being in movies that bite the big one - another thing Tom Hanks and Nicolas Cage have in common. The Weather Man? I'd rather watch The Weather Channel - for three weeks straight. And this Ghost Rider thing looks like yet another feather in Cage's cap-of-magnificent-suckage. Remember when that guy used to be a real actor? Now he's just a hopeless buffoon slogging through one uninspired project after another. If there were any mercy in the world, there'd be a place to put has-beens like Cage and Hanks where we wouldn't have to look at them anymore, and they could live out their remaining years doing something useful (like submitting to medical experiments).