More Celebrity Spawn Meth Drama

Cameron Douglas, son of fossilized Oscar-winner Michael Douglas, was busted in New York for selling meth. This was only Douglas's second drug arrest in three years, leaving him well behind Redmond O'Neal as the most fucked-up, pathetic, no-future-having waste-of-oxygen druggie celebrity spawn on earth.

Farrah Passes

Farrah Fawcett has left the earth after a long battle with cancer. Ryan O'Neal's statement reads:

After a long and brave battle with cancer, our beloved Farrah has passed away. Although this is an extremely difficult time for her family and friends, we take comfort in the beautiful times that we shared with Farrah over the years and the knowledge that her life brought joy to so many people around the world.

It is still undetermined whether Redmond will be released from the clink to attend the funeral. Farrah doesn't care either way. Her troubles are over. She will never have to worry what will become of her piece of shit son again.

He's Only Doing It For The Drugs

Ryan O'Neal told Barbara Walters that he and Farrah Fawcett plan on getting married after 30 years of fucking. In case you haven't been paying attention, Farrah is currently dying of cancer, so...

All right, here's where I stop myself. The New Crabbie. No more terrible jokes at the expense of the afflicted. All I'm going to say is, congratulations Farrah and Ryan. I hope you have many happy minutes days together, and I hope Redmond doesn't use up all the drugs Ryan is trying to get custody of by pulling this stunt.

This'll Straighten Him Right Out

Ryan O'Neal has been ordered into an 18-month drug program after being found guilty of felony possession charges. Dumb old fart and his idiot son Redmond got nailed for meth possession last year after Redmond violated his probation from a DUI and police searched their house. I'm sure Ryan will come out of this a better person. And if not, well, there are plenty of winos for him to beat up if he needs to get out any frustration.

Criminal Masterminds

Ryan O'Neal and his monkey-ass son Redmond appeared in court yesterday, where their lawyer convinced the judge to hold their case over until January. In case you'd forgotten, Ryan and Redmond were arrested in September for possession of crystal meth. That was the Thanksgiving meth too! Now the holidays are totally ruined. What do you think Farah Fawcett thinks when she realizes she had sex with Ryan O'Neal? She probably wishes the cancer would take her.

Guess They Both Needed to be Chained Up

A probation search at the home of Ryan O'Neal ended in the arrest of the actor and his son Redmond when both were found to be in possession of methamphetamine. Actually, only Redmond had the meth on him - the rest was discovered in Ryan's bedroom. This is just the latest twist in the saga of the O'Neals, who hit some kind of crazy dysfunctional high-note last year when cops were called to Ryan's home after an altercation between him and and son Griffin ended in shots being fired. That dust-up began when Ryan arrived back at the crib to find Griffin had chained Redmond to a banister, allegedly to keep Redmond from getting his hands on drugs. Apparently Griffin needed to buy an extra set of chains for dear old dad. Seems like Redmond and Ryan are living in the wrong town - they should head to Wasilla, where meth-heads are always welcome.