Tara Conner's one-year reign as Miss USA came to an end last night, as the tiara was passed to Miss Tennessee Rachel Renee Smith. This is great news for Tara - now she's free to return to her life of boozing and coking and lesbian wildness. No longer will Trump be able to tell her what to do.
That's okay Tara. You're not Miss USA anymore. You have no more obligations. You can drink and snort blow as much as you want now, and make out with chicks and flash people and stuff. You don't have to stare at him like a loving and obedient dog.
Oh my God. They really got to this chick, didn't they? That wasn't rehab they sent her to, it was some kind of 1984-style re-programming.
O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of her nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. She had won the victory over herself. She loved Big Brother.
Er, The Apprentice. Sorry Donald. Don't spank me again (tee-hee).
