Steve-O Finds Jesus

You knew the second he started talking about sobering up and getting his life in order that Steve-O was probably one pamphlet away from finding Jesus.

Sure enough. Here's Steve-O on his quest for a new and better Steve-O:

"I'm doing really well, overwhelmed with excitement regarding the future. My urge to stay sober, today, is way stronger than my urge to get fucked up. I truly pray to keep it that way."

Steve-O honey...there's no such thing as an "urge" to stay sober. Having urges of any kind is sort of the problem.

Anyway, we know that you will soon be embracing Jesus the same way Mel Gibson did after he kicked drugs. Cause that's what most addicts do. They don't really get better, they just trade one kind of crutch for another.

No matter what religion you adopt, Steve-O, I'm sure you will always have an urge to be a disgusting asshole.

Kid Rock Hits On Janice Dickinson Cindy Crawford

Kid Rock apparently tried using his dirtbag charms on Cindy Crawford. Don't know if Kid managed to get in her pants or not. I'm hoping not, just for the sake of Cindy's health.

Cindy Crawford would have a great career ahead of her as the new Janice Dickinson if only she weren't such a god damn prude.

Cindy needs to know...when you're old and untalented and no one thinks you're hot anymore, the only way to get attention is to get drunk and throw your legs way up in the air on television. It's just reality.

Jack Nicholson On the Beach Again

"Was I taking it off or putting it on? God damn it..."

McCartney Frolics; Heather Fumes

Paul McCartney has been in Antigua with his biped girlfriend Nancy Shevell. He's down there decompressing after the drawn-out insanity of the Heather Mills divorce proceedings which led to him having to cough up around $50 million.

Naturally, Heather saw these pics of Paul looking happy and it caused her to go off the deep end. Heather reportedly thinks Paul is "flaunting" his new girlfriend in front of her.

Of course, if anyone in the world does anything, it must in some way have something to do with Heather Mills. If a bear shits in the woods, it did so because Heather either does or doesn't like bears shitting in woods.

It is natural for Heather to be resentful of Ms. Shevell...for a multitude of reasons which I shall now list:

• Shevell is a young-looking 47, while Heather is an old, beat-up-looking 40.
• Shevell can get to the bathroom in the middle of the night without having to crawl on her belly like a lizard or hop like a human pogo-stick.
• Shevell is a successful woman in her own right (she's an executive with the New York Metropolitan Transportation Authority), while Heather has only ever made money by cheesing off men or literally whoring herself out.
• Shevell doesn't have to apply Armor All to her leg after washing it.
• Shevell is liked and admired by people in her circle, while Heather is hated and despised even by people who claim to be her friends.
• Shevell doesn't have to worry about dogs taking a leak on her leg if she stands still on the sidewalk for a few seconds.
• Shevell is attractive, whereas Heather has big ugly sagging freak-boobs and a face that looks like it was pounded with a meat-hammer.
• Shevell can play soccer without her leg being in danger of becoming a hazardous projectile.

George Clooney Takes Sarah Larson to the Premiere

George Clooney and Sarah Larson at the premiere of Leatherheads. George appears to be packing massive wood. Matt Damon must've walked by.

Renee Zellweger Continues to Terrify

Renee Zellweger hauled her hideous ass out to the premiere of her new movie Leatherheads. Actually, the ass isn't the issue with Renee...it's the face. No matter what she tries, she just comes off looking like someone on a day-trip from a lunatic asylum. I think she cut her hair herself...with a rusty pair of scissors while staring into a cracked mirror muttering "so pretty, so pretty" over and over.

Ranbir makes debut on ramp - Flying kiss to Deepika

Bollywood's latest teen heartthrob and the face of 'Youngistan' Ranbir Kapoor had yet another debut of sorts, last Saturday. The handsome actor, who impressed one and all with his acting prowess in Saawariya, took the ramp for the first time at the ongoing Lakme Fashion Week in Mumbai.

Ranbir, looking dapper in an ethnic 'sherwani', walked the ramp for his good friend - designer Arjun Khanna. The suave actor had family support too on his special day. Mom Neetu Singh and his lady love, Deepika Padukone cheered him loudly as he appeared on stage. But the moment of the show was when Ranbir gave an impromptu flying kiss towards his mom and Deepika.

Whether that flying kiss was for mommy dearest or his dream gal we'll keep mum and leave it to your imagination!!!

Source : entertainment.oneindia.in