Nicole Kidman Is Out To Lunch

Nicole Kidman lunches with Keith Urban and some friends in L.A. People have been all negative about Nicole's new hairstyle, but I think it's great. If a tornado blows through, everyone else's hair will be all messed-up, and Nicole will be like, "Sucks for y'all." That's called thinking ahead.



Ugh, why do I get the feeling Nicole is one of those women who never shuts up? And why do I get the feeling Keith wishes he could have a cocktail?



She still hasn't shut up. And she still looks like a dog with its head out the car window. And Keith still needs a drink.

Sharon Stone Has A Meth Face And Needs To Put Her Boobs Away

Sharon Stone appears at Muhammad Ali's Celebrity Fight Night XIII. I don't even know what to say about this - I like Sharon Stone cause she's crazy and will say and do almost anything, but damn. Dignity, Sharon. It's a wonderful thing to have. Especially when you're older than Methuselah's grandmother.

Goldie Hawn Is A Mess

Goldie Hawn ambles down the street in Brentwood. Uh, one thing no one wants - pokies on an eighty-year-old. And Goldie, I realize you're elderly and all that, so some of it you can't help, but seriously - just straighten the glasses, okay? Then you won't look quite so much like a crazy old woman on a field-trip from the rest-home.



I thought plastic surgery was supposed to make you look better. My God, shave that head and she's...

Mayer Puzzled

I always thought John Mayer was a relatively smart guy, but hanging around with Jessica Simpson must be eroding his intellect - cause just look at how puzzled he seems by those oil quarts. Um, John - you pour the stuff in the bottles into the car. Under no circumstances should you attempt to lubricate any part of your body with that stuff, however. If you want to drink it though, that's okay.

(Kids, it's not okay to drink oil. Uncle Crabbie was making a joke there. Now fix me another Screwdriver and shut your yap.)

Joss Stone Wants Jared Leto, But Jared Doesn't Know Who She Is

Singer Joss Stone, who's made waves recently for her wacky behavior, has professed an affection for another out-of-his-mind musician, 30 Seconds to Mars frontman and sometime actor Jared Leto. Says Joss of Jared:

I think he's simply gorgeous, so sexy. He would be my ideal date.

Sounds like a perfect match there, Joss. Only one problem - when told about your crush, Jared said he had no idea who the hell you were.

Wait a minute - you mean Jared Leto doesn't listen to music? Oh, right - he listens to his own music. That takes up all his time. The time he's not spending staring at his own face in a mirror, or watching his own movies, or writing his most intimate thoughts down in his My Little Pony diary. If I were you I'd forget it Joss - Jared is too busy obsessing over Jared to bother reciprocating your affections, however adorable and earnest. Of course, if all you want to do is have sex with him, there's an easy way to get him to want you - just grow a dick.

(source)

Sharon Osbourne Makes Some New Friends

Reality star Sharon Osbourne has never been shy about attacking fellow celebs, and now thanks to British tabloid editor Piers Morgan's new book Don't You Know Who I Am?: Insider Diaries of Fame, Power and Naked Ambition, many of Osbourne's best quips, put-downs and all-out attacks have been immortalized in print. A selection of Osbourne's better work:

On Mick Jagger:

Mick Jagger is always up some lord or lady's arse on a Persian rug. He makes me sick.

On Madonna:

Madonna - what a cunt. I'd like to punch her.

On Melanie Griffith and her plastic surgery:

She's destroyed herself. Now she looks grotesque - it's so sad.

On another surgically-altered celeb, Michael Douglas:

That's another terrible face job. Poor cunt.

Sharon also calls U2's Bono a "twat," and dubs Diana Ross "an awful woman."

If Sharon wants to make some extra cash she should just rent herself out as a conversation-maker at parties. I'd hire her in a second.

(source)

Angelina's Latest Adoption May Not Be Legal

All may not be kosher with Angelina Jolie's adoption of Vietnamese orphan Pham Quang Sang, re-christened Pax Thien by the actress. According to British tab News of the World, the boy's papers were never signed by his grandparents, leaving the door open for the child's mother, a 29-year-old heroin addict, to contest the adoption. And the grandparents, Chien and Nhan, insist their daughter Pham Thu Dung is more than capable of doing just that. Said grandfather Chien:

Our daughter is a heroin addict and she is a bag of trouble. Her life has been ruled by drugs since she was 16. When she finds out that a rich movie star has adopted her baby, she WILL go after Angelina Jolie for money and make trouble for her. She may even try to take the child back.

According to the grandparents, Sang's mother Dung became pregnant during an affair with a married man. Sang was seriously underweight upon his birth, and had to be cared for in a special baby unit, where doctors feared he was hooked on heroin thanks to his mother. Dung, unable to afford the $30 hospital bill, ran away, leaving the grandparents to care for the child. They finally gave him up to the orphanage, where he remained for three years until Angelina came to adopt him. According to Chien, Dung was present earlier this year when an orphanage employee first broke the news about Sang's adoption prospects. Here's what Chien said about that meeting, and the subsequent technicalities:

In January Dung was at our house when the deputy director of the orphanage where we had sent her baby paid a surprise visit to tell us a wealthy American wanted to adopt him. ... Although our daughter was in the room, she did not reveal that she was the boy's mother. Nor did we. ... She just sat in the corner, pretending to knit. She did not say a word and showed absolutely no emotion. She listened hard when the director told us her boy was going to have a good life, and that he was lucky he was going to live with this rich American woman. ... Then she disappeared. She was still hooked on drugs and we told her we had had enough. We have not seen her since that day. ... In February, we were asked to sign more papers agreeing to the adoption and stating that we did not know the whereabouts of our daughter, which we did. ... We did not know then that Angelina Jolie was the rich American who wanted to adopt our grandson.

A sister of Dung's, Trang, somewhat contradicts the grandparents' characterization however, insisting that the woman does feel for her child, and misses him badly. Said Trang:

After the orphanage man visited, Dung wanted to go to there to look for her son but she didn't know what he looked like. I persuaded her not to go. ... My sister thinks about her baby a lot. She dotes on my younger daughter and both my girls call her Mother. If she could, she would try to get her son back.

Meanwhile, little Sang, now Pax, is living in the lap of luxury with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, their adopted kids Zahara and Maddox, and their bio-blob Shiloh. Surely if Pax's real mother is a heroin addict then he's better off with Angelina, who is only an Angelina addict.

(source)