Paris Hilton Lies

Paris Hilton has increased her reputation as a lying sack of shit by claiming she no longer digs partying and just wants to hang at home with her friends.

"When I was younger I loved to go out, but now that I’m in a really great relationship it’s so much more fun to stay at home," Paris said, referring to her fake relationship with homosexual Benji Madden. "We don’t really like to go out. We have game night where friends come over and play Monopoly.

“I love to cook for Benji, I cook great lasagna. I’ve grown up a lot and I’m at peace. He has changed my life in every way.”

Paris...this is taking the charade too far hon. No one believes for a second that Benji has "changed your life." And please stop with the cooking lasagna shit...I know how to work a microwave too; that doesn't make me Gordon fucking Ramsay.

Clearly, Paris has at best a shaky relationship with the truth. And the way she seems to be assimilating various aspects of Nicole Richie's life...way creepy. As long as she doesn't go all the way with it and get pregnant. God. The world is not ready for Paris Hilton the Mom.

Paris Hilton Pretends to Care About Benji Madden

Paris Hilton wants us to think she actually gives a damn about boyfriend Benji Madden.

"I've never felt so happy and in love," Paris says of her relationship with Benji Madden. "He's such an amazing guy and life has never been better."

First of all Paris...everyone knows the only person you're in love with is you. Second of all...if you were going to go Single White Female on us, don't you think you could pick a better person to copy than Nicole Richie?

Honestly, who in their right mind would want Nicole Richie's life? She's painfully useless to begin with, and now she's got a twat-monkey and a boyfriend who's about as appealing as a pile of sweatsocks that were soaked in a bucket of Amy Winehouse's armpit sweat.

Note to stupid skanks...the Maddens are not attractive. They're quite gross in fact. And furthermore, I don't think either one of them is entirely heterosexual. They'll play at it for the cameras, but deep down, them's a pair of butt-lovers.

Paris Hilton Injured by Paps

Paris Hilton got an owie on her chin when paparazzi swarmed her and fake boyfriend Benji Madden as they were leaving a restaurant in the Czech Republic.

The paps, just as in Turkey last week, were whipped into a frenzy by Paris's presence. They started pushing and shoving and swinging shit around, and Paris tried to flee and fell down and scraped her chin.

Great...now the sidewalk has VD.

Paris, as you can see by the picture, was a bit shaken, but basically unharmed. It will take more to slay the beast than a single bunch of crazed Czech snappers.

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden at Social Group's Sutra Lounge

Dear Paris,

I'd sure like to meet you one day, but somehow we just keep missing each other. Well, maybe next time...

Signed,

Rhythm

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden Continue Their Fake Relationship

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden continue bearding for each other.