Fat Girl Off The Hook

Nikki Blonsky and some of those other fuckers who got in that airport fight in Bermuda or wherever the piss it was have been cleared of wrongdoing and may now resume their slow descent into trailer trash hell. The only one still facing charges is Nikki's dad who may yet get five years in the slammer for going upside the head of some ugly model bitch's mom (or maybe it was someone else - the details escape me now, okay?). The lesson here is, if you're going to get in some kind of crazy-ass scrum in an airport, don't do it in some shitty Caribbean country where no one knows you were in some crap John Travolta movie, or you may wind up having to wait several months before being let off (unlike America where your fame earns you immediate exoneration). Oh, and lay off the homemade drugs - that shit will fuck your brain up.

Get Over It, Fat Girl

Nikki Blonsky says she "lives every day in pain" since that airport brawl her and father got into with model Bianca Golden and her mother. "The hardest part for me is to see my parents walk around in severe upset and sadness," Blonsky said. That's what drugs are for, honey. Oh, but wait - you already have a drug. Food. And you're overdosing from the looks of it. Gosh, sorry you and your father are a couple of white trash losers who can't keep their shit together. Bad genes - not your fault I guess.

No Bail for Blonsky

Nikki Blonsky's father Carl has been denied bail and will have to sit in a damp Caribbean pokey as he awaits trial for assault. Carl's lawyer cited his client's health problems in arguing for bail, saying, "He volunteers at his local church, coaches softball, baseball and soccer. He is taking Xanax, Crestor, and has nerve damage to his arm. He takes Percocet." Jesus, that dude's a pill-popping mess. He must be jonesing like a mofo. Maybe now he'll learn not to pound the shit out of women.

Blonsky Defense

Brittany Snow stands beside fellow nobody Nikki Blonsky, who was arrested Friday for her part in an assault at an airport in the Caribbean. "Nikki is one of my really dear friends, and she's not a person that I would ever expect to have that controversy … surrounding her," said Snow.

"But at the same time, you know things get misconstrued in this business. I really hope the best for her, because ... she's one of the sweetest girls I've ever met, so I just hope it works out – and it will, because she's a good person, and good things happen to good people."

And bad things happen to people who snap and beat the hell out of other people (for instance - they get to spend two years developing new and interesting fungal infections in a jail in the Caribbean). Sorry but this Snow character just doesn't know what the deal is. Blonsky and her old man are meth-cooking Reno 911 types all the way. Being in show-biz doesn't suddenly give you class. Exhibit A: Lindsay Lohan. Plus you just know Blonsky is seething with rage. People don't get that fat if they're happy with themselves.

Blonsky Arrested

White trash fatso Nikki Blonsky and her thug father are in a Caribbean jail after getting in an airport fight with America's Next Top Model contestant Bianca Golden and members of her family. Okay, that's a weird sentence. Pressing on...Blonsky and her old man, Carl, reportedly scrapped with the Goldens after a dispute over seats in the departure lounge of the Providenciales International Airport in the Turks and Caicos Islands. Let me guess...they only have one extra-wide seat and one of the Goldens was already in it. Yeah I can see where that would be a problem. Anyhoo...the mother of Bianca Golden ended up so badly injured that she needed medical attention. Carl Blonsky is facing charges of grievous bodily harm, which carry a max sentence of five years (in a Caribbean jail, which can't be pleasant). Nikki faces charges of assault with actual bodily harm, for which she could receive a two-year sentence (just consider it a really harsh weight-loss program Nik). Bianca Golden faces the same charge as Blonsky.

Too bad the Lohans weren't there...that would've been some rumble.

Hairspray Starlets

Amanda Bynes and Nikki Blonsky discuss the time they saw Tom Cruise without his pants on...