Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie took time out from being magnificent to appear at Grauman's Chinese Theater for the launch of Brad's new movie Ocean's 13. Wow, they look really happy here - in a GoodFellas "Am I a clown to you?" sort of way.
"Angie, you look very pretty." Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
"My goodness Brad, you're looking so youthful." Hooooooheeeeeee!
Angie grinning like she knows something we don't. All I know is she's almost got Brad Pitt's hand on her ass. Bitch.
By the way, Brad - it's called sleeping. Look into it hon.
A rare occurrence - Angelina signing something other than an adoption paper. God, her arm. Even junkies think that thing is gross.
That other chick is going to get a tattoo of Jolie's signature, isn't she? Am I the only one who's frightened for humanity's future?
"Too dark. Too light. Don't care for mauve. God, too Mexican..."
Dear Brad,
Remember when we first became friends? You were a cool guy then. We used to chase skirt together, and go jet-skiing. Those were the days eh?
What happened to those days Brad? Those care-free times? I'll tell you - Angie happened. Now, every time I see you, I just want to break down crying. Because I know what hell it must be living with that neurotic, controlling, self-absorbed lunatic.
Yes Brad, I understand - the sex. I did her too, remember? We both did - together, at the same time. Okay, we were pretty drunk, but still - she was amazing. I agree. But living with her? Putting your name on her adopted babies? Dude - I've had a lot of tail, some good, some bad, but never in my life have I found one I actually wanted to live with for longer than a month. And chicks like Angelina? I'm out of there before they wake up.
They get their hooks in you Brad, and then where are you? Up to your elbows in multi-colored rug-rats, that's where. Please Brad, I'm begging you, as a friend - dump the bitch. Seriously - is it really worth it at this point? Is the sex really that epic? Hell, if that's all you want, I know this incredible Taiwanese hooker. She can make you cum just by blowing on it. Seriously, this chick is amazing...
Brad - I'm talking to you now, man-to-man. You need to get off the Angelina train. Cause that's a one-way train straight to death, man. Seriously - you're gonna wake up one morning handcuffed, and that bitch standing over you with a samurai sword. It's a chemical imbalance Brad - or maybe she's the spawn of Satan, I don't know. Whatever it is, it ain't gonna end well for you. So run while you still can Brad. We can head to Bangkok or something. Get some fifteen-year-old poon. Find another drifter to murder and dismember. That was fun eh? Oh, man, I miss those days...
Love, George
