Oscar Pics: The Women (Cause I Know You Love 'Em)

Diablo Cody wore the same thing she wore for Halloween - her flapper Wilma Flintstone costume. Diablo has won her Oscar and may now turn her attention to her next great goal in life - becoming a Suicide Girl.



Marion Cotillard's dress made me hungry for perch, and I don't even like fish. She's fantastic and her movie is marvelous but I'm sick of her now. Go back to France Marion.


Nicole Kidman looked almost alive. Is it just me or is she morphing into Renee Zellweger?



The Oscars wanted to boost their ratings so they brought in Miley Cyrus. Her voice is even more annoying than her face. I eagerly anticipate the day she gets busted for her first DUI. We need fresh dumb-skank meat, what with Lindsay and Britney being just about used up.

Ellen Page Wants Us to Leave Batshitney Alone

Oscar nominee Ellen Page thinks everyone is being too mean to Britney and other wayward child stars.

“I feel bad, you know," said Ellen (who all the lesbos call "eye-candy). "They were hyper-sexualised at the age of 16, not guided or taken care of or nurtured properly. And now people treat it like it’s a joke. Let’s splatter their face on newspapers every day and show them being taken out of their house on a stretcher! It’s like, why don’t we ask why this is happening? It makes me very angry.”

Why don't you do something about it then Ellen dear? Go out and wave a sign around. "Leave Britney alone." Or visit Batshitney at the looney bin. Make friends with her. She likes making friends.

Aw, we know Ellen - you could've wound up like that too but your parents were responsible. Well pin a rose on your nose. Jeez, aren't we little Miss High and Mighty Oscar-nominee? And who the hell were you a couple months ago? Some plain-looking chick no one knew about.

Face it Ellen dear - you're a one-hit wonder. After Juno there will be nothing but lame second-banana parts in horror movies and sci-fi bullshit. Unless Diablo Cody pulls another gaggingly adorable tale of teenage pluck and spirit out of her well-publicized twat. Of course you'll be too old to play the teen then. You'll have to play the understanding mom.

Then you know what happens after that, don't you Ellen? Yup. Law & Order.

Sad.

(source)

Oscar Nominations

The nominations have been announced for this year's Oscars. There were a few surprises - like Angelina Jolie not being picked for A Mighty Heart. Unsurprising, to me, was the lack of a nomination for either Keira Knightley or James McAvoy for Atonement. Saw that movie, liked it, liked them in it, but didn't feel like either one of them had enough screentime or impact to deserve a lead actor nod. Sucks to be them I guess. Here are the major nominees:

Best Picture

Atonement
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood

Best Director

Julian Schnabel -- The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Jason Reitman -- Juno
Tony Gilroy -- Michael Clayton
Joel and Ethan Coen -- No Country for Old Men
Paul Thomas Anderson -- There Will Be Blood

Best Leading Actor

George Clooney -- Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis -- There Will Be Blood
Johnny Depp -- Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Tommy Lee Jones - In the Valley of Elah
Viggo Mortensen -- Eastern Promises

Best Leading Actress

Cate Blanchett -- Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie -- Away from Her
Marion Cotillard -- La vie en rose
Laura Linney -- The Savages
Ellen Page -- Juno

Best Adapted Screenplay

Christopher Hampton -- Atonement
Sarah Polley -- Away From Her
Ronald Harwood -- The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Joel and Ethan Coen -- No Country For Old Men
Paul Thomas Anderson -- There Will Be Blood

Best Original Screenplay

Diablo Cody -- Juno
Nancy Oliver -- Lars and the Real Girl
Tony Gilroy -- Michael Clayton
Brad Bird, Jim Capobianco, Jan Pinkava -- Ratatouille
Tamara Jenkins -- The Savages

Best Supporting Actor

Casey Affleck -- The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Javier Bardem -- No Country for Old Men
Phillip Seymour Hoffman -- Charlie Wilson's War
Hal Holbrook -- Into the Wild
Tom Wilkinson -- Michael Clayton

Best Supporting Actress

Cate Blanchett -- I'm Not There
Ruby Dee -- American Gangster
Saoirse Ronan -- Atonement
Amy Ryan -- Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton -- Michael Clayton

Best Animated Feature

Persepolis
Ratatouille
Surf's Up

Not a lot of gimmies in there, I don't think. Bardem for Supporting Actor is probably the surest (though a lot of people like Casey Affleck for Long-Titled Jesse James Movie). I think Blanchett will win Supporting Actress but I'd prefer it go to the Ronan kid from Atonement (not Amy Ryan or Ruby Dee - give me a break). It's a toss-up between Marion Cotillard and Julie Christie for Best Actress. Actor is probably between Daniel Day-Lewis and George Clooney, but it's nice to see Viggo in there. And Best Picture? That sucker's so up in the air, I wouldn't even venture a guess. If it's Juno...well, whatever.

Juno

I finally broke down and saw Juno. I was prepared to totally hate it and frankly after about the first twenty minutes I had no reason to believe I would have to change my mind. I'm sorry but the kind of quirky this movie peddles is just not my cup of tea. I get irritated by this stuff. "It all started with a chair," the heroine Ellen Page tells us at the beginning. And lo and behold there's a chair setting there on someone's lawn. And pretty soon Ellen's taken the chair along with a whole living room set someone's thrown out and deposited it all on her would-be boyfriend Michael Cera's front lawn and she's sitting there chewing on a pipe. Why is she chewing on a pipe? Because someone thought it would be a cute and quirky thing for her to do.

Kill me now.

Okay, okay...I ended up not hating it. Here are the reasons I think Juno rises above its own preciousness to become a passable bit of low-key comedy: 1) Ellen Page is an engaging actress with a witty-but-self-effacing way of delivering her me-so-talented Diablo Cody dialogue; 2) Michael Cera is hot in a gangly, tousle-haired way; 3) the guy who plays the editor in Spider Man is Juno's dad and he is one hysterical fucker; 4) Jennifer Garner isn't in it much (damn is her face crooked); 5) it stays away from most of that Mean Girls high-school-as-microcosm-of-society bullshit and focuses on Juno's family and her inappropriate relationship with the husband (Jason Bateman, adorably crinkly in his middle-aged arrested adolescent garb) of the chick who wants to adopt her unborn child.

That being said...this movie is going to get nominated for Best Picture and that is a total load of bullshit. It is not Best Picture material. It's an enjoyable, scruffy little movie with performances sincere enough to rescue it from Diablo's clever-girl calculations (and it is calculating; don't let anyone tell you different - that scene where Juno gets dissed by the sonogram chick and Juno's stepmom gets after her is such a phony "you go girl" moment; and don't even get me started on the way Juno is always so self-aware, admitting to her own immaturity and shit...she's 16 and all 16-year-olds think they know everything and any movie that portrays a 16-year-old as possessing this incredible insight and wisdom is jerking all kinds of different chains). This movie is nothing to get jazzed about - it's our yearly helping of low-budget feel-good fluff disguised as a knowing portrayal of "regular people." Oh, and the music that's supposed to be so darling...a bunch of Mo Tucker impersonators mixed with one actual Velvet Underground tune with Mo Tucker singing is not my idea of a smashing soundtrack. How did they not remember to put a Feist song in there? Slackers.

Ellen Page, Critics' Choice

Ellen Page is rising fast through the ranks of hot of young actresses thanks to her performance in the indie hit Juno. Wow...did I just sound like a regular movie columnist there? I can write generic ass-kissing shit with the best of them.

I don't care about Juno and I don't care about Ellen Page. Juno's writer Diabo "Don't Call Me Brook Or Ask About My Stripper Past" Cody won for best screenplay last night by the way. If she wins the Oscar, will a pole come down so she can show us some of her moves?