Plague

A certain amount of outrage has been voiced over Miley Cyrus's 9-year-old sister Noah donning the above outfit and appearing in public. Frankly, I've come to expect such flouting of all the rules of decency and am no longer shocked. I'd rather focus on the fact that Noah Cyrus even exists and is apparently already being shoved into the limelight by her disgusting, money-hungry parents. One Cyrus skank polluting the mass media waters is already too many; a second is an affront to the cosmos.

And who the hell names a girl child Noah anyway? That's a name for a godly ark-builder in a silly old Jewish parable, or a character in The Grapes of Wrath who has his brain squashed by his own father at birth and winds up falling in love with a river.

No One's Interested

Meghan McCain thought it would be hilarious to post a picture of her tits on Twitter and see what kind of reaction she got. Surprise, surprise - the idiot's largely conservative fanbase turned on her, calling her a slut.

Meghan then went on an extended Twitter rant in response, saying, "So I took a fun picture not thinking anything about what I was wearing, but apparently anything other than a pantsuit, I am a slut," and adding, "I have been considering deleting my twitter account, what once was fun now just seems like a vessel for harassment."

Yes Meghan, please, delete your Twitter account. Then delete yourself from my world.

There are enough desperate fame-whores in the world; we don't need the fat, ugly, stupid daughters of failed presidential candidates adding to their ranks.

By the way Meghan, nice Miley face. How old are you?

She Knows Who's Boss

Miley Cyrus has deleted her Twitter page...at the behest of boyfriend Liam Hemsworth, who thinks tweeting is for fools.

"FYI Liam doesn't have a Twitter and he wants ME to delete mine with good reason," Miley reported in her farewell tweet.

Well, it's nice to see that some young American girls realize the man is the boss and should always be obeyed. That women's liberation shit has been tearing apart the social fabric for too long. Back to whalebone corsets and fainting sofas, I say.

The New Miley

Lourdes has revealed that she wants to follow in her mother's footsteps by being famous.

"I don't think she wants to be a singer. I think she wants to be an actress," Madonna said in an interview. "I'm fine with it, as long as she finishes school, and takes it seriously."

This is a great deal for Madonna. She can finally retire and let Lourdes rake in the dough. Spend all her time fucking teenage Mexicans and working on her guns while Lourdes does the work.

Thankfully, Miley and the rest of the Disney kids are getting long in the tooth, so there will soon be openings. I'm sure Lourdes will easily defeat Ali Lohan and whoever else emerges as her competition.

Look At The Whore In Her Whore Clothes

"Tell whatever nasty skank churned out all them Jonas Brothers that I need some freshuns. I done already gone through the other eight. Yeah these boots are for stompin' on Demi Lovato's face. Ain't they cute? And shut the fuck up about my teeth or else I'll have my daddy sue you. Think he won't do it? I can make him do anything just by letting him sniff my pussy."

Now He's Really Screwed

Miley Cyrus has put in her two cents on the Kanye West/Taylor Swift controversy. The picture above gives a hint as to which side Miley is on.

"I'd tell him to get off the stage," Miley said when asked about West's infamous jackassery. "It's her moment. For those times that you are able to tell your speech, you do it. And it's disrespectful as an artist, and I know he even said his family would not be happy if someone did that to them."

Pissing off the president is bad enough, but pissing off the Queen of the Hillbilles? Kanye might as well move to Canada or France or some other Socialist country right now. He's a dead man walking in the Real America.

Take That, Miley

Taylor Momsen is 16 just like Miley Cyrus. But Taylor Momsen's public sluttery makes Miley look like one of those pathetic kid-dispensing Mormon chicks by comparison. I eagerly await the meltdown.

Sex And The Miley

Miley Cyrus created one of her adorable little mini-controversies awhile back when she mentioned being a big fan of Sex and the City, a show generally perceived as not being targeted to teenagers.

The Sex and the City people apparently appreciated the publicity Miley brought them, because they have signed the little whore to make a cameo appearance in the sequel to the Sex and the City movie.

No word on whether Miley will be recreating her pole dance from the Teen Slut Awards.

They Should've Stopped Pissing Off God

I'm pretty sure the gigantic Station Fire, which even as we speak is endangering communications towers on top of Mount Wilson, is the result of God's anger at all the decadence and evil of Los Angeles residents, especially the ones who work in the entertainment industry.

They had their chance to stop pissing off God, but no, they went on producing their pornography. Well they better get their act together quick and find someone to sacrifice and appease the Almighty. I nominate Miley Cyrus. Demi Lovato will do if they can't find Miley in time.

Rare Miley Sighting

It's Miley Cyrus, and she's not doing anything skanky, rude, inappropriate or destructive to the social fabric. She must not have been feeling herself.

Where's The Outrage?

People are completely pissed off about a health care plan they don't understand, and a looming threat of Socialism that doesn't exist...yet they have no problem with Miley Cyrus doing a pole dance on the Teen Choice Awards?

I'm convinced there's this dark conference room some place full of old, leering men, whose sole purpose in life is to see how much semi-pornographic titillation they can foist on the American public before people start actually objecting. "I've got it: Miley does a pole dance at the Teen Choice Awards! And if that doesn't work, we'll have Selena Gomez do a striptease on Regis and Kelly!"

Still waiting for the outrage. Gonna be waiting awhile I reckon. People who would make G.I. Joe a hit movie are probably not bright enough to realize their kids are being turned into sex maniacs right in front of them. "Well, she's a good Christian girl, plus it's on the TV. So it must be okay."

Lambs to the slaughter.

Gettin' Some

Miley's got another hunk all over her. Are those people applauding? What the fuck?

Okay, I'm gonna come clean - this is from a movie shoot. It's not Miley just making out with some dude in the street while a bunch of people clap. Miley never makes out with dudes for real...unless her father is there to get it all on video.

Leave Miley Alone, Freaks

John Travolta's heinous Scientology-spewing, autistic-kid-killing wife Kelly Preston is set to star as Miley Cyrus's mom in a new "coming-of-age" movie called The Last Song. My advice to Miley's handlers - don't let Kelly have any alone-time with her, otherwise she will forget all about Jesus and start babbling about Xenu.

You don't think the Scientologists are hot to land Miley Cyrus? You damn right they are. What a recruiting tool it would be for them to have Miley in the fold. Instead of Miley inspiring youngsters to become slutty, soulless materialists, she could inspire them to become self-righteous, soulless Niacin-freaks. Niacin forever!

Or, even worse, Kelly could take a maternal interest in Miley...and we know Kelly ain't exactly the world's greatest mom. We don't want Miley to wind up floating face-down in a bathtub like the retard, do we?

Um...don't answer that.

Miley Goes Back For A Second Helping Of Jonas

Miley Cyrus has made a lot of changes in her life the last few days. First, she dumped Justin Gaston, the 21-year-old underwear model who was clearly using her for fame. Second, she got her nose pierced. Third, she jumped back on Nick Jonas.

"He's my best friend, and we still hang out all the time," Miley said on the newfangled radio. "We've definitely reconnected. We don't know what's going to happen in the future, but right now we're just kind of kicking it and hanging out as much as we can."

"Hanging out" is jailbait slang for fucking like wild animals while daddy tapes the whole thing through one-way glass. God, sometimes I even gross myself out.

Why Children Shouldn't Be Allowed To Speak

Grinning simpleton Demi Lovato has folks whispering that she is fucking Miley Cyrus's disgusting tatted-down brother Trace.

"Trace is really one of my good friends," Demi told Twist Magazine when asked about the rumors. "People don't realize that he is really, really cool. And he is one of my good friends. I think we get along really well because he's someone who I can really talk to about a lot of stuff. We've both been through a lot."

What the fuck have you both been through? A bad hair day? Daddy not letting you use the car after you failed to take out the trash? What the fuck major tragedies have any of these little brainless assholes ever suffered? And why do people persist in asking these imbeciles questions about anything? They're children. Children have nothing worthwhile to say about anything. They have no useful life experience. They have not lived long enough to develop wisdom. Most of them can't even put three words together coherently. Just being famous does not make you worth listening to.

Every day I die a little more inside.

Awkward Phase

Miley Cyrus is at an awkward point in her life right now. Part of her is still the innocent little girl with the pigtails and the dolls and the little plastic tea-set, and the other part is a shameless streetwalker. The shameless streetwalker part is winning. By a landslide.

For Those Who've Been Dreaming Of A Miley Cyrus Wardrobe Malfunction...

Miley Cyrus had a little dress issue while shooting some video or commercial for lawn tractors or whatever the fuck and her boob came out and someone got a grainy picture of it. The uncensored version is now the holy grail of Miley pictures for those who should be locked up in secure facilities and subjected to electro-shock.

There Oughta Be A Law

California has a law against talking on your cell phone while driving - now it needs one that bans talking on your cell phone while riding your bike. "Oh my God I totally just ran over some old lady. Should I call an ambulance or go back and finish her off and make it look like a suicide?" Maybe California should just go all the way and ban Miley. She's a menace.

Don't Tell Miley

Taylor Swift hanging out with Demi Lovato? Miley is never going to speak to her again. Fucking bitch. Um...did they both go dyke?

Ha Ha...Kill Me

This is my life: Browsing around the internet until I find things like this picture of Miley Cyrus and Justin Gaston making funny faces at the camera. Why have I not killed myself? Oh, right...I want to live long enough to see Miley Cyrus end up penniless and in jail.