Orlando Bloom May Have Designs on Liz Hurley

Orlando Bloom's body language is not very subtle. If that ain't a "I'm gonna bang this chick" pose, I don't know what is.

And Liz Hurley...you're not royalty hon, so why don't you lose the crown? You didn't marry a prince...you married some rich Hindu. You'd be a cocktail waitress if there were any justice in the universe.

Liz Hurley vs. Gwyneth Paltrow: Who is More Irrelevant?

Liz Hurley's really playing up that whole "I Married a Hindu Millionaire" thing isn't she? Too bad all the Hindus hate her for insulting their religion when she wouldn't take her shoes off or whatever the hell it was.

Gwyneth, meanwhile, remains Gwyneth...totally uninteresting. The sad thing for Gwyn-Gwyn is that she can't even fool Hollywood producers anymore. The best role she could wrangle for herself was Robert Downey, Jr.'s girlfriend in Iron Man - a part that human sleeping pill Rachel McAdams even turned down.

Two useless bitches.

Liz Hurley Has Quit Movies for the Sake of Her Son. Thank You, Liz Hurley's Son.

Elizabeth Hurley has decided to quit acting to be with her son Damian.

"Filming is very hard with a child," Hurley explained, "and I found I wasn't able to be a good mum and do movies.

"I really do very little film work at all. I decided I couldn't really do movies anymore, which was a huge decision because I love making movies.

"But I didn't want to be the sort of mother who was abroad filming all the time and away from my son and I didn't want to take Damian out of school to travel with me and be educated by tutors."

Right Liz - you quit movies because of your son. The decision had nothing to do with the fact that you never got offered any parts except to play some dirty Englishman's girlfriend.

Sorry Liz, dear - you got into movies because of your looks. Now those are going. So, you have nothing to offer. But at least you're married to some rich guy, and have a son to spoil. And of course there's your favorite hobby - pissing off Hindus.

Jodie Kidd Buys Drugs On Video, Bashes People Who Are More Famous Than Her

British tab News of the World has obtained video of model Jodie Kidd doing a drug deal. They got the footage by having one of their reporters pose as a potential financial backer for some new business venture Jodie is trying to get into (offer Jodie money and apparently she will do anything). The video, taken with a camera the reporter smuggled into a hotel room, shows Jodie lying on the couch setting up a drug buy over the phone (the reporter apparently suggested buying the drugs to Jodie). Having worked out the details, Jodie puts on her jacket and leaves with the reporter. NOTW says that Jodie and the spy then went to Jodie's brother Jack's manor house in Windsor, where the drug dealer showed up in a car. The reporter handed some money to Jodie who then gave it to the dealer in exchange for the drugs. At this point, Jodie's brother is supposed to have said, "Next time you come, give us some warning. We will get a load for you. Take it one bag at a time."

The crafty reporter also got Jodie to hold forth about certain famous figures during dinner. Jodie boasted of her friendship with David and Victoria Beckham at one point, saying:

I go to all the World Cup parties up at the Beckhams'. That's why I know David so well. It's through Victoria when she started getting into fashion many years ago. I did a show with her and she kind of attached herself.

The reporter then asked Jodie if she thought Victoria was a model. Jodie replied:

No of course she's not. She's certainly not a model. ... Can you imagine her? If you have a look in magazines now it's her new perfume and there's a picture of her. Urrgh.

Jodie then said of Posh's domineering nature:

She wears the pants, which is amazing because he is the one who could have anyone in the whole entire world.

Jodie also bashed fellow cokehead Kate Moss, saying:

Kate was very cool but she got a bit affected. They get very affected by stardom. It goes to their head.

And of Naomi Campbell:

She's a fucking monster! ... If there is something that she can get out of you, if you are a client, she's a darling, she's lovely! But anyone that isn't going to pay her and give her whatever she wants, she'll treat like rubbish and I can't bear that.

And Liz Hurley gets it too:

She's at my agency. She did the Monsoon campaign after I did. One employer was like, "she's a nightmare." She is very, very, controlling.

Jodie Kidd sounds like a fun chick to party with. I'm guessing Pete Doherty has already gotten her phone number.

(source)

Liz Hurley Still Walks Free

Liz Hurley aka India's Most Wanted appears at the Breast Cancer Research Foundation's Hot Pink Party. Gosh, I hope Liz remembered to take her shoes off - oh wait, this event took place in a civilized, free country, so no one cared if she had shoes on or not. And look, she doesn't have her face covered, and she isn't walking ten paces behind a man with her head down, and she hasn't been branded or had her clitoris removed. Western decadence, let me tell you.

Liz Hurley May Go To Jail For Wearing Shoes

Liz Hurley and new husband Arun Nayar may face jail-time over breaches of Hindu custom perpetrated at their infamously lavish, magazine-financed Indian wedding last month. Among the infractions allegedly committed by the newlyweds:

• Liz failed to remove her shoes before the ceremony.
• Liz and Arun both partook of alcohol.
• Liz showed too much of her body.
• Liz and Arun had their picture taken kissing.

No shit - they could get three years in the slammer for this stuff. And what's more, it appears Arun's very own father Vinod, a devout Hindu, who allegedly has never even met Liz, is willing to testify against the couple. But what makes it really weird is the further accusation leveled against Liz and Arun by prosecuting attorney H.M. Saraswat - that the couple were somehow using the Hindu ceremony as a means of spreading Christianity. Saraswat's claim has something to do with the fact that the two were married in England in a Christian ceremony a week before the Indian one. Here's what Saraswat said:

This is the first case in India where a couple already married has gone through another marriage. ... The couple has been, through their act, trying to canvass for the spread of Christianity and utilising the Hindu marriage they have hurt the people's sentiments.

Sorry - I guess I just don't get Indian people. They eat really spicy food, think cows are gods, and make dumb movies where people sing and dance and yank women around by the hair. Yeah, really civilized group of folks here. Chucking someone in the slammer for three years for not taking their shoes off - how enlightened. Dang, no wonder the English got the hell out of there.

(Before anyone attacks me for saying bad things about India, just remember - I'm only writing things in a blog; this Saraswat guy is actually trying to throw people in jail for kissing and not taking their shoes off. I don't care about religious custom or anything - that shit is just crazy. So, maybe, before you level your outrage at me, you should think about it for a second, and realize that all that energy could be directed more constructively against the people who do the real harm in this world - namely, religious fundamentalists and overly-ambitious lawyers.)

(source)

Poshy To Lay Wedding Snub On Liz Hurley

Poshy Beckham may be moving to L.A., but not before she settles some unfinished business with her old Brit friends. Like Liz Hurley. She who was well-known as long as she remained associated with Hugh Grant, but became irrelevant as soon as she wasn't. Seems Posh and Liz, who used to be best buds, have had something of a falling out. It happened because Liz was saying stuff behind Poshy's back, and some of that got back to Posh (as those things always do). Now Posh is planning on getting back at Hurley - by not showing up for Hurley's March wedding to Indian businessman Arun Nayar.

Won't that be a shock to Hurley, looking around her wedding and not seeing her old buddy Posh. I'll bet she just breaks down crying at that point. Then again, maybe she won't. Maybe she'll be happy not to have Posh there. Maybe the whole reason she started saying shit about Posh was that she didn't want Posh to show up at her wedding making an idiot spectacle of herself like she did at Tom and Katie's. This could all be a scheme to get Posh to stay away. In which case, the only play for Posh would be to actually show up, wearing a hat even more absurd than this one:

And what exactly did Liz Hurley say that ticked Poshy off so badly? Here's what a source had to tell the Sun:

Victoria found out that Liz had been saying some pretty unpleasant things about her behind her back. ... People told her how Liz was making nasty comments about her looks and her weight to others on fashion shoots. ... She also was saying really personal things about Victoria and the way she conducts herself. ... Victoria was furious and incredibly hurt. She was tempted to have it out with her but thought it best to rise above it all. ... She decided the best thing to do was just not to speak to her.

Poshy taking the high-road - will the wonders never cease. Actually, I think it's a bad idea for Posh to try and punish Hurley by not speaking to her. Clearly, if you're Posh, and you really want to irritate someone, you have to talk to them even more often. You have to call them at all hours of the day and night to ask frivolous questions. And when they change their number you have to show up at their door bearing food and saying, "Let's have a slumber party!" And when they move to Tibet to get away from you, you have to parachute in, and use a battering ram to knock down their door, and cut down the guards with your AK (that you borrowed from Maddox Jolie-Pitt), and then blow up the bedroom door with some C-4 and run up to the bed and yell, "Surprise!" At which point, if we're lucky, Hurley will bite down on the cyanide capsule and go to sleep forever.