Road to Recovery

DJ AM is grateful to be alive. Or was until he ran into Mandy Moore, anyway. What kind of soup is that I wonder?

Mandy Moore Mystery Man

Mandy Moore gets snapped in the airport with some dude and voila she has a mystery man. Those pants are an unfortunate color - kind of uncooked lasagna. Mandy's doing the whole thing where she pretends she's not with the guy. To protect him. Nice of her. Like her scarf. Not really but it was something to say.

More New Year's Lameness

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz hosted a party at a club. Here we see Pete pretending to enjoy being close to a female.



Nothing says "party" like Mandy Moore.



Pam Anderson scarfs down cake. She imagines sticking the knife into Kid Rock's sack and immediately has an orgasm.

Justin Timberlake Is A Bloody Mess

No, Justin Timberlake has not been playing house with Lindsay Lohan and Vanessa Minnillo - this is a pic from his movie Southland Tales, where he plays a character named Private Pilot Abilene. The movie is apparently some kind of wacky satire about Los Angeles on the eve of the Apocalypse - it played at Cannes in 2006 and has been sitting around waiting for someone to bother releasing it ever since. It's finally going to be put out, in one dingy theater someplace, on Nov. 9.

Southland Tales was directed by the same guy who made Donnie Darko, which is one of those movies your dorky friend is always telling you is so awesome, and then you see it and it's the most pretentious, incomprehensible piece of shit you ever saw. This new thing thing looks like more garbage - but at least it has that hot piece of man The Rock in it. And it has Mandy Moore in it too - oh yeah, she'll spice it up.



Oh Mandy - you're so hard-core.

Mayer Moves In On Moore

Fake bluesman John Mayer likes pretending to sleep with goody-goody former pop-tarts. He just got done being in a highly-publicized faux-relationship with hootery preacher's daughter Jessica Simpson, and now the Albert King wannabe has been spotted going around with chunky, pleasant role model Mandy Moore.

I will say this about Moore - the men she goes out with at least have library cards. You know Zach Braff has read a few books (mostly dirty ones), and I'm pretty sure Mayer's gone through at least the first couple of Harry Potters. That's a far-cry from the men Mandy's fellow former pop-cutie Britney Spears perfers. If Britney were in some guy's house and he whipped out a book, she'd probably stare at it with perplexity for a second, then ask, "How come you're looking inside that couch-propper thingie?" Not Mandy - she's substantial. At least compared to Jessica Simpson, who used to nod off any time John started reading Byron to her. All right, it was Dr. Seuss. John tried introducing Jess to the wonders of Horton Hears a Who, but she would just stick her thumb in her mouth and drift into her dreams of living in Candy Land.

(source)

Zach Braff Is A Playah

Zach Braff made a big stink not long ago about what he insisted was his unearned reputation as a womanizing slime. Said Zach about tabloid reports of his promiscuity:

I'm not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup. I am in fact, merely doing what every other single 32 year old man in NYC is doing this summer. I am dating. If you must read that stuff, please don't digest it as fact.

Sure Zach - you'd rather people talk about your abiding affection for Campbell's Chunky than go on about how much you love poontang. Cause the former makes you seem like such a nice guy and we all know you're a nice guy.

Hell, maybe you are a nice guy. Still - we posted this pic of you on a bench with Shiri Appleby, who we thought was your girlfriend, but now comes a story that you were at a club on Saturday night sticking your tongue down Drew Barrymore's throat. So Shiri's not your girlfriend? Is Drew? And what of Mandy Moore's apparent insinuations about your low-down dog-like cheating character? Going to just dismiss those too Zach?

It's like this Zach - we don't really care what you do with your tongue or your wang or any other part of yourself. Play tonsil-hockey with Drew Barrymore while stringing along poor little Shiri Appleby - who really gives a crap? But, if you're gonna behave that way, please don't think you can go around acting all outraged that you've developed a reputation, 'kay Zach? You're not as smart as you think you are, and we're not us dumb as you apparently take us to be.

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More Mandy

Some of you got angry when the Crabster referred to Mandy Moore as "hefty" the other day. Okay, so she's not "hefty." She's just really big and manly through the shoulders and upper-arms. I think she's been doing a lot of arm-wrestling. Whatever. Bitch is still boring. Next!

Mandy Moore Thinks Wilmer Valderrama Is Tacky

Mandy Moore doesn't think it was very cool of Wilmer Valderrama to brag of taking her virginity on the Howard Stern Show. The hefty starlet tells Blender mag:

That's not a fun thing to have said about you. Even now when I think about it, I’m like, ugh. It’s pretty tacky.

You know all about tackiness, don't you Mandy? And having trouble finding clothes that fit.

(source)

Mandy Moore Signs A Guitar

Mandy Moore pauses to autograph a guitar at the Gibson Guitar & Entertainment Tonight Event at Sundance. This marks the first time in her life that Mandy Moore has actually handled a musical instrument.

Kristin Cavallari Toys With Brody Jenner's Heart

I still don't know why Kristin Cavallari is famous, but stories about her pop up from time-to-time so I feel obligated to report them. The one in this morning's Page 6 has Cavallari enjoying herself over the New Year's holiday in Miami with boyfriend Nick Zano (a person I hadn't heard of until actually reading this story), then putting ex-boyfriend Brody Jenner in something of a ball-squeezing situation by sitting at the table next to him at trendy Miami eatery Nobu.

Oh my God, that Kristin is such a bitch!

By the way, the story also says Wilmer Valderrama and his girlfriend Mandy Moore were at the table with Jenner. Am I the only one who thinks that's a bit of an odd couple, Valderrama and Moore? I mean, I thought Moore was some kind of Mormon or Quaker or something. So what's she doing going around with a complete unadulterated dirtbag like Valderrama? Shouldn't she be dating someone wholesome like Brandon Routh? Maybe Mandy's one of those alleged goody-goody chicks who, underneath, enjoys being treated like a doormat. You know, the kind who pretend to be all upstanding, but on weekends they're getting decked out in S&M gear and strapping themselves into bizarre contraptions normally used to torture prisoners at Abu Ghraib. Yeah. That Mandy, she likes the feel of leather and steel, and giant electrified dildos being inserted into her various orifices. Wouldn't surprise me to see pictures one of these days of Mandy going down on a donkey.