Conan Conks His Cranium

Conan O'Brien has returned from the busted cranium incident that sent him to the hospital. Of course he exploited his own agony by showing the video. Turns out the "stunt" that nearly split his skull was a race against Teri Hatcher. I'm sure that, from now on, every time Conan races Teri Hatcher he will wear a helmet. That's something we should all remember, in case we ever end up in a similar situation. Or we could just spare our domes and shoot the bitch.

Person I've Never Heard Of Is Hurt

Says here that Gale Harold, who plays Teri Hatcher's husband on Desperate Housewives, was badly injured in a motorcycle accident. Gale has two first names and only one of them is masculine. I don't know, maybe he just couldn't stand the thought of having to act with Teri Hatcher anymore. Do we know if the guy was distraught? Crap, I just dropped a peanut.

Teri Hatcher At SAG Awards

Teri...it's the SAG Awards, not the HAG Awards. Hahahahahaha...

Teri Hatcher - Rock Star

"All by myself. Don't wanna be all by myself..."

Teri Hatcher performing with Band From TV at a post-Emmy party.

More From Longoria Wedding

Because there's absolutely nothing going on in the world that's worth talking about, some more pics from Eva Longoria's wedding.

Teri Hatcher. Some day it will be your fairy-tale wedding Teri. And some day Crabbie will fly to Matthew McConaughey's secret castle on the back of Pegasus.



Jessica Alba. Where's Cash Warren? Off being boring somewhere? You know Alba totally got it on with someone at some point during the day - someone besides Cash I mean. Probably two people. At once. She's a total slut.

Your Glamour Women Of The Year Are...

Victoria Beckham.

And just to prove her worthiness, she wore this outfit to the presentation. Hey Posh - I think you forgot the pants. Is it just me or is she morphing slowly into Brigitte Nielsen?




On the subject of useless skanks - yes, Sienna Miller was there too. Sorry, but Sienna is about two years and a bad housecoat from looking like Graham Chapman in a Monty Python bit. Is there an exploding penguin on her telly?



Who is Sienna licking on in this picture? He looks like a shoe-bomber. Damn, that's not the sort of guy you want to have sit down next to you on a plane. Come to think of it, Sienna's not the kind of chick you want to have sit down next to you on a plane either. Could you imagine listening to that bitch yap for several hours? And you just know she's the kind of nitwit who bops around in her seat while listening to her iPod. "Keep your elbows to yourself sweetie. And no, you are not the Dancing Queen."



Musta been free booze.



Too bad there weren't free face-lifts. Not that anything would help Teri Hatcher at this point.

Is that a dent in the middle of her forehead? Dear God, she looks like Tori Spelling after a terrible hot-grease accident.

Teri Hatcher Never Looked So Good

The Dirty Disher has used her prodigious photoshopping talents to achieve the impossible - making Teri Hatcher look almost hosable. By the way, those flames? Rachael Ray cut one.

(picture source: The Dirty Disher)

Teri Hatcher Is Naturally Hideous

Actress Teri Hatcher is fed up with people accusing her of employing less-than-natural means to achieve her unique appearance. "I don't use Botox or Restylane and I've never had any surgery," says the middle-aged Desperate Housewives star, "no matter what you've read."

Okay Teri, so you've never used Botox or had plastic surgery. So that means you look like that naturally. And you're sure you still want to insist you haven't had any work done? Cause, you know, most people as horrible-looking as you would be happy to use a botched face-lift or some kind of chemical treatment as an excuse. "It's not my fault, it was that damn butcher I went to in Guadalajara. I should've known something was up when I noticed his degree was written in crayon. And I never should've used that South American monkey urine he gave me either. My instincts should've warned me that injecting primate piss into my forehead wasn't a great idea."

Actually, I give Teri credit - it takes balls to admit that you're just naturally ugly. Giant balls. And Teri, she has giant balls. No, I mean literally. She has testicles. Cause she's a man. What, you didn't know?

Teri Hatcher's Bad Face Day

Teri Hatcher attends the L.A. premiere of Dreamgirls. Hatcher has officially passed Nicolette Sheridan as the most freakish-looking member of the Desperate Housewives cast.