It's impossible for Gerard Butler to not be hot. Even when he's picking his nose. Even when he's following Aniston around like a dog. Even when he's rubbing himself against Hayden Pantyliner.
Jennifer Lopez is not pregnant again, but is sporting a fake bump for a movie she's shooting. Yeah, I know - Jennifer Lopez still thinks she has an acting career. Crazy, right? Like Jennifer Aniston still thinking she has a shot at happiness. Like Zac Efron thinking he can continue passing himself off as a heterosexual. Like me thinking anyone reads this blog.
Careful Gerard Butler - don't burn your tongue on that flaming bitch. (Oh, Jennifer's gonna be ticked when she sees this.)
Among other things, Matt Weiner's critically acclaimed Mad Men has been a boon to previously obscure actresses like Elisabeth Moss, Christina Hendricks and January Jones. Whatever you think of Weiner's show, there's no question he conceives interesting female roles, and casts the right women in the parts.
Things you can't kill: Roaches. Jason Vorhees. Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer's storybook romance.
This is the closest Aniston's come to getting laid in months.
You thought Kristin Cavallari was useless, but enterprising John Mayer found something she was good for: fucking behind the backs of the other women he was allegedly with.
Gerard Butler appears to have slipped through Jennifer Aniston's clutching fingers. Page 6 says Jen was hoping for more romance from her co-star on The Bounty, but now that shooting has ended, Gerard has gone back to his life and Jen is left once again stocking up on batteries and cheap liquor.
A harrowing experience for noted movie actor Gerard Butler. The 300 star was walking his pug through Central Park when out of nowhere the pooch was attacked by a Greyhound. The pug received two bites before Gerard was able to get it away.
According to internet security experts, Jessica Biel is the celebrity most favored by virus-spreaders seeking to hijack searches. A new report says a full one out of five Biel searches leads the innocent Googler to a site that propagates malware.
Jennifer dreams of Gerard Butler taking her home in handcuffs and having his way with her while she is totally helpless. Unless Gerard isn't famous enough for her.
You might want to put down your powdered doughnut for this one, cause it's a shocker. Okay, take a deep breath, get ready for it:
"Don't do it Jen! You have so much to live for! You have your...spider plant! Think about the spider plant! And remember, you were finally going to get around to answering your emails? And you wouldn't want to die without finding out how Lost ends, would you?"
Jennifer Aniston is filming a movie called The Bounty with Gerard Butler. She made them write a scene where Butler kidnaps her, stuffs her in a trunk, drives out to a secluded wilderness and...has his way with her. Over and over. For months.
"Come and get it boys. Don't worry about knocking me up. I'm more barren than Sarah Palin's intellectual life."
Dear Jen: Forget it. Gerard Butler is not into you. That one roll he gave you was all you're going to get. And that was just so he would have a story to tell his grandkids - his grandkids via children from a relationship with a woman who is not you.
This image is the perfect metaphor for Jennifer Aniston's existence. But what does the empty carriage represent? Her love-life? Her childlessness? Her overall spiritual state? Ponder it while I microwave myself another panini.
A grainy shot of Jennifer Aniston leaving a New York restaurant with her new piece of man-meat Bradley Cooper. A total coincidence that his first name is Bradley. We know Aniston isn't obsessed with any other Bradleys. She's totally over every other man she's ever had with that name.
Susan Boyle has had to cancel a performance after once again complaining of being tired. Evidently Ms. Boyle finds performing incredibly draining; right after losing on Britain's Got Talent, she checked herself into the hospital for about a week to deal with exhaustion. Clearly, this woman cannot handle the grind. She should just pull the plug on her idiotic music career, return to her filthy, cat-piss-reeking apartment and resume her lonely, pathetic, spinster's life.
A rare happy, peaceful moment for the Arquettes. Obviously, Aniston was not around that day. The kid actually starts twitching every time she hears Aniston's voice. David has built himself a special soundproofed room above the garage where he goes to cry. Courteney has begun quietly shopping for a new house...in Zambia.