Fake Bump

Jennifer Lopez is not pregnant again, but is sporting a fake bump for a movie she's shooting. Yeah, I know - Jennifer Lopez still thinks she has an acting career. Crazy, right? Like Jennifer Aniston still thinking she has a shot at happiness. Like Zac Efron thinking he can continue passing himself off as a heterosexual. Like me thinking anyone reads this blog.

Wholesome All-American Kiddies

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens at the Teen Choice Awards. Or was it the Porno Awards? No, says it was the Teen Choice Awards. Well, same thing pretty much.

Teeny Nirvana

Efron's probably wondering why he had to be seated with the pansies. He thinks he's a serious actor now. The Jonas Brothers? He'd fuck them but he wouldn't be caught dead in a movie with them. Unless it was gay porn.

Target Shopper

How much you wanna bet those bags are all filled with knit caps, skin cream and white t-shirts? How much you wanna bet Zac rips holes in his own t-shirts when he gets them home? How much you wanna bet Zac has never seen a vagina?

He Can't Even Fake It Well

Zac Efron fulfills a contractual obligation by delivering toys to a children's hospital. Jeez Zac, you think you could muster a little enthusiasm? How you gonna make it as an actor if you can't even fake sincerity during a photo-op with sick kids? If it were a sick bottle of conditioner - then you'd care, wouldn't ya?

The New It Girl

Kristen Stewart is the new It Girl. We remember her as Supertramp's would-be teenage girlfriend in Into the Wild. The one he gave up because she was too young and he had to get back to killing himself the long, slow, stupid way (it's called a map - look into it). She's starring in this new movie Twilight now which I wouldn't see if it came with a free blow-job. She's undeniably beautiful with her perfect skin and sultry eyes and little hint of naughtiness but...can she act? God I'm sick of the bimbos. Say what you want about Gwyneth Paltrow - she's not a complete empty-head, and it was refreshing to have someone with actual talent as Pepper in Iron Man. Can you imagine if it had been Biel or, God forbid, Alba instead? Stewart can position herself as the alternative to the Disney crop coming up. She can be the anti-Hudgens, the anti-Cyrus, the anti-Tisdale. Now we need to find an anti-Efron out there somewhere. A hot piece of man who doesn't seem stuck on himself, who doesn't seem like he takes an hour working on his hair every day, who doesn't seem caught in a perpetual adolescence. Where have all the Robert Mitchums gone? Or the George Clooneys, for that matter.

His Hair Was Miraculously Uninjured

Zac Efron was hurt shooting a song and dance number for the new High School Musical 3. The scene involved some kind of wacky rotating hallway and Zac had a hard time dealing with the wonky set and fell on his assy little face. "We had always talked about doing a scene in a revolving setting and then one day I walked in and there was a revolving hallway," the faggot explained. "It was like a square inside a big hamster wheel. I got there and the crew said, 'OK, let's go!' I was like, 'I haven't rehearsed yet guys!'

"So Kenny Ortega, the director, told me to rehearse it but also filmed it at the same time. It was crazy! I fell over a few times. At one point it reversed direction and I wasn't ready - I ate it then!"

You ate it? Um...might want to rephrase that hon.

Slut Cooties

Selena Gomez touched Vanessa Hudgens and now she has slut cooties. Pervs now have Selena's MySpace page on auto-refresh, waiting for the naughty pictures to show up. Zac Efron is thinking about a three-way - with two of the Jonas Brothers. Vanessa's so trampy...not as trampy as Bristol Palin, but still...

Zac and Becks

Zac Efron took time out from cavorting on the beach with Vanessa Hudgens to attend some dopey sports-related awards show, and got his picture taken with David Beckham. I wonder if David even knew who he was. He doesn't have teen daughters so he's probably not aware of High School Musical. Unless Posh is a huge fan, which is entirely possible.

The eyebrow contrast in this picture amuses me for some reason.

Who Did Zac Go Home With?

"Girlfriend" Vanessa Hudgens?

Chinzilla?

Dina...er Ali...er Lindsay Lohan?

No. In fact, Zac spent his evening sniffing around those gorgeous little boys from Gossip Girl, but ended up with the one he loves most...Zac.

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens at the Basketball Game

This is as close to having sex as they've ever gotten.

Is it just me or are Zac's eyes shrinking?

Vanessa's how old now, about 18? And already washed-up.

Zac Efron Gay Kiss Picture. Why Do You Go On Pretending, Zac?

Zac Efron needs to quit pretending he's straight.

Don't worry Zac - you can still play basketball and drink beer if you're gay. It ain't about that.

Embrace it Zac. Own it.

Get rid of your beard Vanessa Hudgens. God - even Ashley Tisdale would be better than that brazen hussy.

Just be yourself Zac. Your wonderful, flaming, fruity self.

And stop wearing your hat backward. That's so lame.

Zac Efron Treated For Appendicitis

High School Musical star Zac Efron was rushed to Cedars-Sinai today and had to have his appendix out. At least, that's the official story coming out of Efron's camp. Crabbie is a bit suspicious though. First of all, I'm pretty sure androids don't have appendices. Second of all, if they do, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't treat an inflamed one at a hospital. That's a job for a mechanic or an engineer.

No word on whether Zac's "girlfriend" Vanessa Hudgens has plans to visit him in the hospital.

(source)

Dump The Slag

It started out as a three-way, then John and Zac told Vanessa to beat it.

Efron And His Slag

Zac Efron celebrates his 20th birthday with his slag Vanessa Hudgens in tow. I'm sure there will soon be pictures of Vanessa popping naked out of the birthday cake. Oh Vanessa - why no eye-contact with the camera honey? Don't tell me you're shy now. Oh I see, you don't feel as sure of yourself when you're clothed. Well, then it's a good thing you seldom are.

Zac Efron Is A Dork

"Yo giant outer space man - wanna get naked and take some pics? I swear these ones won't end up on the internet like the ones I took of Vanessa. Man, that helmet is really turning me on. Plus you smell really good. Like Saturn in the springtime."

Zac Efron at Halo 3 Midnight Madness in Hollywood.

Matt Damon Makes Vanessa Hudgens Wet

You kinda had a feeling saucy Vanessa Hudgens would be into something a little more developed than prissy Zac Efron with his perpetual hat-head and wannabe David Cassidy thing. And indeed it's true - Vanessa, it's been revealed, has the hots for the considerably more-mature Matt Damon. The oft-naked High School Musical star and newly-minted internet sensation told Tyra Banks she's been carrying a torch for Damon since junior-high:

I was 14 years old and I met him. I completely freaked out. Like, I did to him what my fans do to me. I was like, "Ohmigosh, I love you so much, can I have your autograph?"

Aw, ain't that sweet? Vanessa had a little schoolgirl crush on Matt Damon. I bet she took a naked picture of herself and emailed it to him. The message probably said something like, "We're legal in Kentucky, you know." Wonder if Matt bit on that. Probably not if he had to go to Kentucky - I mean there's a limit to what a guy will do for pussy, even stuff that young and tight. Assuming Vanessa was still tight when she was fourteen. Shit, bitch had probably had her first vaginoplasty by then. Mark my words - when all the shit comes out about Hudgens, she's gonna make Angelina Jolie look like a prude. "Angelina was kissing boys at five? That ain't nothing. I gave my first blow-job to the doctor five minutes after I came out." Nasty little tart.

(source)

Update: Vanessa Hudgens Technically Not Canned, Still Probably Out Of HSM3

Vanessa Hudgens has reportedly been fired by Disney in the wake of her little internet nude pic scandal. Said a studio insider:

It was an extremely hard decision to do. Vanessa has become a part of the family, but we felt it was irresponsible of her to do what she did.

Sure. Like all you old Disney suits weren't on the web looking for that pic so you could wank to it. Bunch of freaking hypocrites. Whatever. Vanessa had her five seconds - now she can go apply at Denny's or something. Meanwhile, Zac Efron is still employed by Disney - but didn't it say somewhere that Zac was the one who took the naughty pic? Doesn't that make him at least as culpable as Vanessa? What, they weren't his tits, therefore he gets off scot free? How do we know Zac wasn't the one who actually leaked the pictures? Double-standard again, man. Fucking shit.

(source)

Update: A rep for Vanessa Hudgens is denying that she's been fired by Disney. According to this rep, Hudgens was never actually employed by the studio, and therefore could not actually be canned by them. However, it is still being reported that Hudgens is no longer being considered for High School Musical 3 - which amounts to a firing. Also, it appears Allie is Wired, the site that first broke this "story," may have fabricated the whole thing. They linked originally to an US Weekly posting that said nothing about the firing, and also ran the quote I posted above, which they attributed to a Disney insider. Someone over there, I think, got a bit creative.

Zac And Vanessa - Frolicking Youngsters

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are just too adorable for words. Here we see them playing around on the beach in Hawaii. It's like The Blue Lagoon all over again. Oh shit - I think I just gave someone an idea for a movie. I want a cut god damn it!



"Come get the water gay-boy. Come get it."



All right I'm sick of them. Now I wish a tsunami would come, washing Zac out to sea and leaving Vanessa clinging to a palm tree for three days. "I'll always remember you Zac. At least until I get that phone call from George Clooney. Fingers crossed."

Zac Efron - The New Six-Million Dollar Man?

Zac Efron is - Steve Austin! Eh, it doesn't work without the goofy sound effects.