Miley Goes Back For A Second Helping Of Jonas

Miley Cyrus has made a lot of changes in her life the last few days. First, she dumped Justin Gaston, the 21-year-old underwear model who was clearly using her for fame. Second, she got her nose pierced. Third, she jumped back on Nick Jonas.

"He's my best friend, and we still hang out all the time," Miley said on the newfangled radio. "We've definitely reconnected. We don't know what's going to happen in the future, but right now we're just kind of kicking it and hanging out as much as we can."

"Hanging out" is jailbait slang for fucking like wild animals while daddy tapes the whole thing through one-way glass. God, sometimes I even gross myself out.

Ha Ha...Kill Me

This is my life: Browsing around the internet until I find things like this picture of Miley Cyrus and Justin Gaston making funny faces at the camera. Why have I not killed myself? Oh, right...I want to live long enough to see Miley Cyrus end up penniless and in jail.

Awkwardness

This isn't what it looks like. Justin Gaston didn't knock up Miley Cyrus and get hauled to the court house to marry the bitch by her enraged father. The look on Gaston's face isn't one of suicidal gloom but mere mild sheepishness. He knows he's taking those folks for a ride and knows we know it.

Today In No Shit, Sherlock News

I don't mean to ruin anyone's day here, but it appears Justin Gaston might not really dig Miley Cyrus, and might only be using the little freak to advance his career. A source "close to Justin" busted the underwear model on this whole alleged Miley scheme, saying, "He’s got more modelling jobs since he’s been with Miley and is telling people they’re writing songs together so her fans will get interested in his music. You start to think he’s in this for fame." Naw, he's in it for the snatch. Just not Miley's.

Let the Meltdown Begin

Miley Cyrus has had enough of her parents interfering with her personal life and is seeking to become emancipated. The main problem between Miley and her folks is that they think it's silly for a 16-year-old twit to be dating a 20-year-old underwear model and she disagrees. Miley's argument is that being a rich celebrity has forced her to "grow up fast" and she's now ready to handle her own business. Cause we all know that living the Hollywood lifestyle breeds super-maturity. Just look at Britney Spears. Can you say 5...4...3...2...1...meltdown? Sam Lutfi is already licking his chops.

Like A Rhinestone Homo...

Nothing says country bad-ass like a rhinestone-studded cowboy hat. Billy Ray Cyrus doesn't even know how gay he comes off. It doesn't help having Justin Gaston next to him, looking like his boy-slave all cleaned off and dressed up for the night. "I can still smell a little bit of shit and jizz boy-slave. Go spray yourself down with another gallon of TAG." Country people make me laugh. Always with the mudflaps and the incest and the dragging black people to death behind pick-up trucks...

Miley CMA

Miley Cyrus got all dressed-up like a big girl and went to the Cuntry Music Awards last night. That dress looks like an old bloody rag. They should stop letting her pick out her own clothes. They should stop letting her do her own make-up. They should just stop.

Where was Justin Gaston? In the back giving Miley's mom a ride - while Billy Ray took pictures.

Hypno-Bitch

Miley Cyrus is trying to hypnotize me with her eyes. "Buy my records. See my movies. Watch my TV show. No I'm not having sex with a 20-year-old underwear model. I swear on my father's deceased mullet. Now stop talking about it and buy my shit. Buy two of everything. I swear to God I'm a virgin. My dad says it doesn't count if the guy pulls out. Damn I'm one freaky little bitch. I swear to God I've never been ejaculated on by a Jonas Brother. They're all gay, don't you know?"

Settin' Him Straight

Miley Cyrus's mom has a few things to say to Miley's 20-year-old boyfriend Justin Gaston. She's explaining to him all about older women and experience and knowing what to do with a man in bed. I'm sure this little gab session was followed by a demonstration. Justin will now be dumping Miley for Miley's old lady.

It's On...I Guess

What message was Justin Gaston sending to Nick Jonas by dressing up like him for Halloween? "Keep your hands off my snaggletoothed bitch you little fairy." Gaston may have potential. Dig the Guitar Hero bit. Is he trying to say Nick Jonas can't really play guitar and it's all fake? Is he saying Nick's a fag (credit: South Park). Is he saying he wants to hump Nick like a table leg? He looks like Dean Stockwell a little. Is he gonna start singing Roy Orbison in an incredibly creepy, gay way to make Dennis Hopper happy?

Look Out Miley

Selena Gomez is being altogether too complimentary of Miley Cyrus and her underwear-modeling boyfriend Justin Gaston. "I honestly think that she's adorable," said Selena at a recent event. "I think she's really sweet, and I think that he's really cute, too. I wish them all the luck." Translation: "I want to sit on Justin's dick and make him shoot his jizz in me like Old Faithful. Why is that hot steaming hunk of man fucking that snaggletoothed little bitch when he can have me, a little piece of Chiquita jailbait who makes all the older men moan with desire? Hmm?"

No Worries For Teeny Tramp

Miley Cyrus doesn't care if people think she's a little dirty piece of jailbait for fucking a 20-year-old underwear model. "After my last two years, there's been a lot of things that happened, so I've learned just not to judge anyone and go into our friendship with an open mind and not really worry about the age or anything." You ain't the one who has to be worried about the age honey - he is.

More Goo-Goo Eyes

Okay I'm tired of Miley Cyrus and her boy-toy Justin Gaston. If I have to see this little twat making goo-goo eyes at him or sticking her tongue out suggestively at him one more time I'm going to...just scream or something.

Tongue Action

Miley Cyrus sends a little message to her boyfriend Justin Gaston as he walks the runway for Christian Audigier. Let me remind everyone once again: Miley is 15, Justin is 20. Thank you.

Not in His Underwear

Justin Gaston sings with Miley Cyrus's older sister Whogivesashit at Miley's elaborate Sweet 16 celebration. Dude's gay, end of story. By the way...what the fuck kind of shit goes on in Miley's head for her to end up in poses like this when she's on-stage?


Maybe she's angling for that big Dulcolax endorsement deal.

Miley's Meat

The Dirty Disher dug up some pics of Miley Cyrus's boyfriend Justin Gaston. Yes, he's a professional underwear model. Unlike Miley who is a mere amateur. We know Justin isn't giving it to Miley cause that would be against the law.

Sarah Palin Knows How This One Ends

Miley Cyrus is dating a 20-year-old pipe-layer underwear model named Justin Gaston. Question: If you were a 20-year-old underwear model, would you date a little slobbering 15-year-old snaggletoothed MySpace twit unless she were worth a billion dollars? Didn't think so.