Avril Divorce

Avril Lavigne has filed for divorce from that guy whose name I can't spell, citing irreconcilable differences. Their main difference was that Avril wanted to fuck Dole Food billionaire Justin Murdock and the other guy wanted her to fuck only him and the hookers he brought over.

Avril indicated in the filing that she is not seeking spousal support, nor does she intend forking over any dough to Whibley. You should've been nicer to her, Whibley. Now you'll have to get a job and/or use your charms on Selena Gomez.

Where's The Outrage?

People are completely pissed off about a health care plan they don't understand, and a looming threat of Socialism that doesn't exist...yet they have no problem with Miley Cyrus doing a pole dance on the Teen Choice Awards?

I'm convinced there's this dark conference room some place full of old, leering men, whose sole purpose in life is to see how much semi-pornographic titillation they can foist on the American public before people start actually objecting. "I've got it: Miley does a pole dance at the Teen Choice Awards! And if that doesn't work, we'll have Selena Gomez do a striptease on Regis and Kelly!"

Still waiting for the outrage. Gonna be waiting awhile I reckon. People who would make G.I. Joe a hit movie are probably not bright enough to realize their kids are being turned into sex maniacs right in front of them. "Well, she's a good Christian girl, plus it's on the TV. So it must be okay."

Lambs to the slaughter.

Little Wet Girl Panties

Selena Gomez dreams of having Shia LaBeouf all over her...TV show The Wizard of Waverly Place. "You'd think that as much as I promote it [he'd make an appearance]," the tart said. "I'm like, begging, but it's not happening. I know I'm a nerd! Please, Shia, come on my show!" Darling little Selena - she doesn't realize Shia is a complete dirtbag who would probably molest her the second they were alone. Or maybe she does know that and that's exactly what she wants. Jonas Brothers get old after awhile I guess.

Look Out Miley

Selena Gomez is being altogether too complimentary of Miley Cyrus and her underwear-modeling boyfriend Justin Gaston. "I honestly think that she's adorable," said Selena at a recent event. "I think she's really sweet, and I think that he's really cute, too. I wish them all the luck." Translation: "I want to sit on Justin's dick and make him shoot his jizz in me like Old Faithful. Why is that hot steaming hunk of man fucking that snaggletoothed little bitch when he can have me, a little piece of Chiquita jailbait who makes all the older men moan with desire? Hmm?"

Slut Cooties

Selena Gomez touched Vanessa Hudgens and now she has slut cooties. Pervs now have Selena's MySpace page on auto-refresh, waiting for the naughty pictures to show up. Zac Efron is thinking about a three-way - with two of the Jonas Brothers. Vanessa's so trampy...not as trampy as Bristol Palin, but still...

Perv Heaven

I offer this picture as a gift to wanking pervs everywhere. Be careful where you squirt okay? It ain't easy cleaning jizz off an LCD screen.

Loser Wipes Out

Warning!!! Turn the volume down on your speakers before hitting play on this video or your eardrums may begin spitting blood!!!



Demi Lovato wipes out while running around on-stage at a show in Chicago. Demi is Selena Gomez's friend and they rip Miley Cyrus. Or is she Miley's best friend and they rip Selena? I can't keep the Disney whores straight anymore. There are about a hundred of them and they all suck the Jonas Brothers' dicks.

Selena and Miley Again

Oh, I apologize...that's actually Natasha Bedingfield.

Teeny-Twat Detente

Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus called a truce long enough to pose like a couple of MySpace hos at the Teen Choice Awards. Miley has decided to go the Christina Aguilera spray-tan route I see. She's as fake, plastic and fucked-out as Aguilera, so why not?

The End of Hannah Montana?

Teen sensation Miley Cyrus says her alter ego Hannah Montana may soon be put in mothballs. "We’re thinking this is our last season," the virginal little angel told E!'s Marc Malkin. Yes, pedos everywhere have begun to weep. For the rest of us there remains only one question...how should Hannah Montana be ended? Yes, it's a bit.

10 Ways to End Hannah Montana

1. Hannah peels back the shower curtain...and it's Bobby!
2. Hannah gives up music to pursue her lifelong passion - competitive cup stacking.
3. Hannah loses everything. Her possessions are taken to a giant warehouse and workmen begin throwing them into an incinerator. We discover that Rosebud was a sled.
4. She changes her name to Deborah Indiana and embarks on a second even-suckier musical career.
5. Hannah is dumped by her label for being a fugly little skank. She is replaced by Selena Gomez.
6. Flashing police lights. Billy Ray in handcuffs, his head hung in shame.
7. Something involving electrocution.
8. Hannah wakes up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette.
9. Hannah is preparing to be interviewed by Perez Hilton. He mistakes her for a gummy bear and eats her.
10. She returns to Planet Snaggletooth.

Twat War

Miley Cyrus and her sidekick make fun of fellow Disney starlet Selena Gomez and her formerly gaptoothed friend Demi Lovato. Clearly, Miley is feeling the heat from Selena. I apologize for any eardrum damage you may have suffered from Miley's voice, by the way. That little chick can project. She could emcee huge events without needing a mic.

Nick Jonas Bags Selena Gomez

Nick Jonas - the one Miley Cyrus enjoys sending naughty pictures of herself to - is reportedly dating little Disney tart Selena Gomez. Reps for the Jonas Brothers were quick to deny this story however, saying, "They are not girlfriend and boyfriend. They're friends. All of the Jonas Brothers are friends with Selena."

All of the Jonas Brothers? Do they do her all at once or take turns?

Oh, I'm sorry...they're all virgins.

Selena Gomez Denies Feud With Miley Cyrus

Budding Disney sensation Selena Gomez denies there's any tension between her and reigning teen-queen Miley Cyrus.

"We’re literally like, It's fine. It's all good," Gomez said. "She's Miley and I'm Selena."

Well she's got the whole identity thing squared away at any rate.

Selena, who stars in the Wizard of Waverly Place, says she's flattered by any comparisons to Miley aka Hannah Montana.

"It's a little overwhelming, but I think really, it's a compliment," Gomez said. "She's obviously extremely successful, and I think she's a wonderful performer...So being compared to her, I was very, very flattered."

Oh, you hate her guts Selena. That's okay because the way Disney goes through little teen personalities, Miley will be on the ash-heap in a couple of months and you'll be the one they're shoving down everybody's throats. It's a factory. Even as we speak, Disney is growing the next generation of teeny-bopper slut-stars in test tubes.

Selena Gomez isn't Trying Hard Enough

Selena Gomez is 15, and still hasn't posted any pictures of herself licking her friends in the face or cuddling with her 22-year-old lover. What's up with that? Doesn't this girl wanna be a star?

Someone at Disney needs to get up in this girl's face and tell her what the deal is. Goody-goody doesn't sell. You gotta tramp it up. Prance around in some short skirts and hooker boots. Blow kisses like a Paris streetwalker. Email naked pictures of yourself to the Jonas Brothers.

Come on little chiquita...before Elle Fanning runs over your ass.