Heather Mills believes she is an authority on healthy living...and to prove it she is writing a manual.
The 64-page book, entitled Get Healthy With Heather, will outline for gullible consumers the steps to living a stress-free life.
“Spring is in the air and this is a time for change, regeneration and new beginnings," Heather writes. "We all know sometimes that life’s problems can be quite overwhelming so it’s really important we learn to relax properly and iron out those everyday stresses and strains.”
Step 1: Make a lot of money by marrying a famous man then divorcing him.
Step 2: Gain fame by marrying a famous man then divorcing him.
Step 3: Foster positive public image by lending support to causes one doesn't really give a flying fuck about (landmine victims; animal rights).
Step 4: Celebrate new, stress-free life with dog-murdering fireworks.
Step 5: Enjoy oneself by acting like a gibbering, paranoid maniac on television.
Step 6: Take out any remaining frustration by dumping water over head of famous ex-husband's lawyer during divorce proceedings.
Unfortunately, Heather forgot to follow the most important advice: Stay out of the path of runaway police motorcycles.
Stupid thieving twat-faced gimp.
