Human butt-plug Verne Troyer is suing the woman he appeared in that sex tape with for allegedly beating the shit out of him. Troyer's filing claims the woman, Ranae Shrider, once gained entry to a bedroom he was hiding in by picking a lock and moving a scooter he had placed as a barricade, then proceeded to body-slam him. "When you pick up a 2'8" human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts," said Troyer's lawyer. Well, unless the floor is made of mattresses or fluffy pillows. Or your body is made of Flubber.
Troyer is suing Shrider for $20 million, claiming emotional distress. Come on Verne...do you really need money so bad that you'd concoct such a silly lawsuit? There must be plenty of other ways for you to turn a dollar. Maybe you could rent yourself out as a garden gnome. Or get work cleaning people's gutters by crawling through them. Or start a weird midget football league where the midgets are the footballs. Be creative.
(Dedicated to The Dirty Disher, who is miserable today. Yes I know she won't read this because she never bothers coming in here but it's the thought that counts.)
