Mariah Carey has apologized for sounding like a big tub of warmed-over shit at Michael Jackson's cheesy, uncomfortable memorial service.
"Trying to sing today was basically impossible for me," the cow posted on Twitter. "I could barely keep myself from crying. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to pull it together and really do it right, but I was literally choked up when I saw him there in front of me."
Actually, what had Mariah upset was that she caught her husband Nick Cannon getting blown by Usher backstage...and he refused to share.
Don't worry though Mariah, you weren't the only one who sucked at the memorial. Every one did. Especially that fool Stevie Wonder with that cornball epic he hammered out. He's blind and I wished I were deaf.
And what about that Middle Eastern kid they dragged out for the affair? What was up with that? Pimping new talent at a memorial? Did Papa Joe Simpson plan the thing or what?
Just using up all the material I didn't get to during the live blog.
