Ever wonder what kind of woman turns a psychotic international terrorist's crank? Well, wonder no more kiddies; thanks to an alleged ex-sex slave of Osama Bin Laden, we now know exactly what kind of female brings woodage to the old Al Qaeda tentpole - the kind that makes a fortune in music and movies, then marries a has-been singer and turns into a drug-addled wash-out right before our very eyes. Yup, Whitney Houston. According to a book by Kola Boof, a Sudanese poet and recently-fired "Days of Our Lives" writer who claims to have once been a member of Bin Laden's harem, the America-hating, 9/11-planning lunatic has an obsession with Whitney Houston, and once told Boof he would like to get rid of her husband Bobby Brown and make her one of his wives. "[He would say] how beautiful she is," Boof writes, "what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband - Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women's husbands killed." Osama's thing for Whitney apparently runs counter to his general feelings about African women, however. "African women are only good for a man's lower pleasures," Boof quotes Bin Laden as saying. "What need do you have for a womb?"
If I were Whitney I'd be packing my bags right now and heading for Afghanistan. Bobby Brown? Crap, girl, he's an l-o-s-e-r loser. Osama Bin Laden? Guy's got millions. I mean, sure, you'll have to live in a cave, but think about the primo smoke, and all you have to do is shine the guy's tentpole every now and then. Okay, so maybe you run the risk of being beheaded for no reason, but what the hell, you ain't using that thing for anything anyway, right? Sorry Bobby, but I think this is a gots to go situation.
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