Lindsay Lohan's father may be rotting in prison, but that isn't stopping the low-rent slug from getting his two-cents worth in on his daughter's well-publicized travails - in cartoon form. Quoting the New York Daily News's Lowdown (normally written by Lloyd Grove), which received the curious dispatch from the jailbird Michael Lohan:
Lindsay Lohan's dad - serving time at the Collins Correctional Facility outside Buffalo - has just sent Lowdown an epic drawing depicting his troubled relationship with his famous daughter and the villains who are allegedly driving them apart.
In the 46-year-old Lohan's cartoon, these include money-grubbing lawyers with devil's horns, a prison guard, a paparazzo and an Ugg-booted woman who might be Lindsay's mom, Dina, or her publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnik. They're all tearing the daughter away from her dear old dad.
"Shame on you," declares the Lord Almighty, who's shown glowering and pointing from heaven. "Don't you know that some things are sacred!?!"
Also depicted - in see-no-evil, hear-no-evil, speak-no-evil poses - are Lindsay's younger siblings, Michael, Alina and Cody. On the back of the cartoon, the artist has scribbled: "The Spiritual Realities and Physical Elements of the truth behind this whole situation."
Lohan included a handwritten letter with the cartoon, in which he offers more nutty opinions about his daughter's tumultuous life.
- On Lindsay herself: "Lindsay is a talented, loving, blessed and free-spirited person. I believe nothing I read about her unless I hear it from Lindsay herself. And she's always been honest with me."
- On movie exec James Robinson, who famously scolded Lindsay for disrupting the shooting of the movie Georgia Rule: "If Mr. Robinson wrote a letter to her, that is his right. He is a respectable man and I'm sure he felt it as his obligation. Â… But I do know how things get twisted and I'm sure there is an honest explanation."
- On Brandon Davis, the dirtbag whose mockery was the genesis of Lindsay's "firecrotch" nickname: "All I can say is that I am happy that God gave me a new way of looking at, and pitying, people like Brandon. I pray for his soul!"
Mr. Lohan appears to have found God in prison. Gee, how original.
(source)
