Had a lovely vacation on my couch. Now I'm ready to dish the dirt again. Let's see, what's been going on the world...
Oh my God, they finally published pictures of Tom Cruise's baby. Little Suri. Who bears on her tiny undeveloped shoulders the burden of rehumanizing her lunatic father. Good luck Suri. You're gonna need it.
Paris Hilton got arrested for DUI. I heard that, initially, she didn't want to take a breathalyzer, then they told her it was just like sucking on a budding young rock star's sweaty prick and she grabbed it and tried to flee. I kid Paris.
I watched a little bit of the U.S. Open. Roger Federer and his fuzzy balls beat Andy Roddick and his fuzzy balls. I just love manly men and their fuzzy balls.
Oh, and that poor croc guy got killed by that stingray. When I first heard about it, all I heard was that a famous Australian had lost his life in a freak aquatic mishap, and I had visions of Russell Crowe being chopped up by a propeller. Then I found out it wasn't Russell Crowe. Oh well, maybe next time...
