Paris Hilton, arrested several weeks ago for being intoxicated behind the wheel, has now been formally charged with drunk driving.Odds Paris ends up doing Boy George-like community service work: 50-1.
Odds Paris shows up for her court date carrying a monkey in a pink bag: 20-1.
Odds Paris vomits in the next 24 hours: 3-1.
Katie Holmes's ex-squeeze Chris Klein is good-naturedly shrugging off claims that Katie and Tom Cruise's daughter Suri more resembles him than the alleged father.Odds Chris Klein gets a visit from Scientologists in black trenchcoats in the next week: 20-1.
Odds Suri grows up to be about 6-foot-two with an endearingly aw-shucks manner: 15-1.
Odds Tom Cruise actually endures all this without some kind of pharmaceutical assistance: 100-1.
Monkey-like tramp Nicole Richie is vehemently denying claims that she has checked herself into a rehab facility over an eating disorder.Odds Nicole eats an entire turkey sub with extra mayo: 75-1.
Odds Nicole is mistaken for a macaque and dragged off to a zoo: 4-1.
Odds Paris finally pays a hitman to murder Nicole: 2-1.
"Comedian" Kathy Griffin says that ex-90210 star Tori Spelling and her husband Dean McDermott are expecting a child.Odds Kathy Griffin says something genuinely funny at some point in her life: 200-1.
Odds Tori Spelling puts her face too close to a radiator and it melts: 10-1.
Odds of a man ever vaginally penetrating Tori Spelling without first putting a paper bag over her head: 500-1.
Russell Crowe is flush with indignation over speculative reports that he wishes to portray his late friend Croc-man Steve Irwin.Odds Russell Crowe punches someone today: 5-1.
Odds Russell Crowe punches someone tomorrow: 5-1.
Odds Russell Crowe sucks a cock today or tomorrow: 1-1.
