Travolta's Scientology Fears

John Travolta has become a sad, babbling shadow of his former self lately, consumed with grief over the death of his son, and racked with guilt over his belief that his idiotic Scientology principles contributed to the autistic Jett's shocking and premature demise.

Travolta has become so disillusioned with Scientology, in fact, that he wants to leave the church. Unfortunately, the church has a long record of destroying the reputations of those who try to break free of it (that's how tolerant, open-minded folks always behave). Travolta's friends say he is terrified that if he tries to escape the cult, they will release damaging facts about his personal life.

So John has finally had to face the reality that his "religion" is nothing but a front for thuggishness and extortion? He's finally realized that attributing autism to "bad thetans" and treating it with saunas is a load of hogwash the likes of which no sane person would ever believe?

Too bad he couldn't have figured that out before Jett choked to death on those potato chips (or whatever the hell actually happened). Maybe then the little retard would still be alive to frolic and romp and drool lollipop juice on himself.

Travolta now knows what the Crabster realized long ago: it's better to believe in nothing.

Child-Killer Hit By Extortionists

Three creeps were arrested in the Bahamas for allegedly trying to hatch an extortion plot against John Travolta. Details are sketchy but it appears the plan revolved around Travolta's recently-deceased son Jett, as one of the schemers was a paramedic who attended to Jett at the scene of his untimely demise. I'm guessing these creeps threatened to come forward with info that might be damaging to Travolta who has been bombarded with accusations of not taking good care of his son who was thought to be autistic (though the Scientologist Travoltas denied it). What does John have to hide? These people obviously thought there was something.

Nice Disguise Tom

Some random dude brings flowers to Jett Travolta's memorial. But is it in fact a random dude? Or is it actually Tom Cruise in a clever disguise? Either way...what a cheap-ass flower basket. I know Jett was just a Dorito-chomping retard but damn...he deserves better than that.

Scientology Shuns Jett Memorial

A small memorial will be held tomorrow for the late Jett Travolta and by "small" I mean completely lacking in prominent Scientologists like Tom Cruise and Will Smith. Even Jenna Elfman, a minor COS wingnut, said she was "unsure" if she could make it. Shouldn't be any surprise. The Scientology people want to stay far away from this whole thing, knowing that people suspect their idiot beliefs of having contributed to Jett's death. I'm sure John and Kelly don't really mind. They tried hiding Jett away his whole short, sad life, so why should his memorial be a big deal? They just want to get the whole thing over with so they can get back to pretending to be human beings.

Slight Improvement

Katie Holmes looks slightly less on the verge of death in this picture. For a minute there I thought she was going to collapse in the street and wouldn't that have been a pretty pickle for Scientology who are already dealing with enough negative pub after the Jett Travolta "seizure" thing. It's not good for a cult when the people tied to its major followers start keeling over under mysterious circumstances.

Just Askin'

I'm certain there was nothing shady about the death of John Travolta's allegedly non-autistic son Jett but, still, people have their questions. Like for instance: Why the frakk did it apparently take a full night for someone to find the kid dead in the bathroom after his seizure or whatever killed him? Says he was last seen going into the bathroom on Friday night and was discovered Saturday morning at 10 AM. That's a wee bit suspicious, no? Perhaps this is why the death is being investigated by the Freeport Grand Bahama Police Department who are being very careful to say they don't think a crime was committed. Again, I'm sure there's nothing to any of this. All just a terrible accident.

An Investigation Is In Order I Believe

John Travolta's autistic son Jett died today in the Bahamas according to TMZ. No cause of death has been released but you can bet plenty of rumors will start to swirl. Travolta is a Scientologist and in the past he has denied his kid had autism, claiming instead that he suffered from Kawasaki Syndrome. Unless the kid was run over by a jet-ski, I'm guessing his death had nothing to do with anything involving Kawasaki anything. It's more likely he choked on a Dorito (that was all John and Kelly fed him apparently) and died because John called Tom Cruise instead of a paramedic. "Tom - you're the only one who can save him! Come quick!" Sad for the kid...not dying - that's merciful - but having to live in the company of a bunch of fucking wack-jobs for even the short time he was here. Goodbye Jett. Hopefully, there will be justice for you.