Dear Sports-Loving Male Celebs...

Your women do not enjoy being dragged out to all these basketball games and baseball games and football games and hockey games and whatever the hell else. They only pretend to enjoy it because, well, they like having access to your money. But trust me...each time you haul them out to some asinine athletic exhibition, a little part of their soul dies, just like when you hear a Michael Bolton song or catch a few minutes of an Adam Sandler movie by accident.

Bolton Booted

Michael Bolton was so in love with Nicolette Sheridan that he moved out of his Connecticut home and bought a place in L.A. with her for $4.4 million. Unfortunately, Sheridan threw him out after two days and now wants him to let her keep the house without her paying him for his half. And he's also reportedly put his original home up for sale, leaving him without a place to stay. And all this happened after they'd been engaged for over 2 years. That wasn't enough time for him to figure out what an evil bitch she is? This redefines thinking with your dick. Also...Michael, everyone knows you're bald dude. Just stop.

Darn

Nobodies Michael Bolton and Nicollette Sheridan have decided to call off their engagement, which had been in place since March of 2006. See kids? That's how you do it. Give it time to see if you can really stand the person. Don't rush into anything. Now these two won't have to go through all that divorce and other nonsense. They can skip straight to the make-up sex.