Get The Bitch A Razor

This is what happens to Salma Hayek when she doesn't shave for a few days. You think this is bad, you should see what's down there. She went in for a wax and the women ran out screaming, "Sasquatch! Don't get me!" As long as the titties aren't hairy, right guys?

Creep

"Keep your hands off my lunch you thoughtless little pig. Hey, if I asked your mom real nice, you think she'd let me lip-buzz her bazooms?"

Hollywood's Sexy Actress Salma Hayek Photo Gallery

Hostility

I'm not supposed to make fun of little kids. It's mean. Fine. But I'm sorry...Salma Hayek's kid just looks so angry to me. Aren't kids supposed to be happy and smiling and shit? Why is that one glowering like a little budding Keira? Salma's milk must be sour or something.

Salma Hayek Trashes The Bible

Pregnant actress Salma Hayek has decided to become a literary critic, and is taking on a pretty big target right out of the chute - The Bible. No, that long-time best-seller and motel room staple is not going to be on Salma's reading list any time soon. Primarily, says Salma, it's the book's depiction of women and especially child birth that gets her goat:

I don't like the way the Bible views women - this thing about the Virgin Mary conceiving a child without having sex - so if you conceive a child by having sex, there's a subliminal message that there's something dirty about it. ... And this is what makes us divine - I mean, the possibility of creating another life should remind women that we are creators, that we are made like God in our ability. ... There is nothing greater than to create another human being.

Crabbie tried contacting the book's authors, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, to ask them about Salma's scathing remarks, but unfortunately none of them were in their office. I then decided to give God Himself a ring, since the aforementioned scribes were really ghost-writing for Him anyway, and was told that God doesn't talk to gay people (except Ted Haggard).

(source)