Woody's New (Scarlett-less) Flick Has A Title

I've lost track of how many movies Woody Allen has made in his long, increasingly-less-interesting career. The last one he finished, Whatever Works, is currently wending its way to my residence courtesy of Netflix. His next to go before the lens will be entitled You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger will concern the "tangled love-lives" of a crazy family, and will star Antonio Banderas, Josh Brolin, Anthony Hopkins and Naomi Watts. Even for Woody Allen, that's a wacky cast.

Note that, like Whatever Works, the new film will lack the presence of one Scarlett Johansson. Woody's former muse has not gotten any work from him since she went all diva and was left behind by the Vicky Cristina Barcelona Cannes contingent. Woody said then that he was "disappointed" in Scarlett. I guess the rift between them is permanent.

Aw darn.

Freak In Jeans

Memo to Melanie Griffith: This sort of look does not make people think, "Wow, look at that hot, young chick over there." It makes people think, "How psychotic do you have to get before you think having a monkey's face is sexy?" It makes them think, "No old lady, seeing your ass-crack does not make me want to fuck you. It makes me wish I had been born a member of a freakish inbred cave-race who lost their skin pigmentation and, more importantly, their eyes." It makes them think, "Antonio Banderas looks at that every morning without vomiting up his Cap'n Crunch?" It makes them think, "Oh dear, look at that poor unfortunate wretch who obviously lost her face in a horrible blowtorch accident. There but for the grace of God...is that Melanie Griffith?"

Cameron, Antonio And Justin Hump Shrek The Third In Madrid

"Wow, look! A giant penis!"

Banderas Has His Way With Timberlake

Antonio Banderas shocks fans at the London premiere of Shrek the Third by anally raping Justin Timberlake. This is of course not the first time Justin has been taken from behind by a Latino. He had that thing with Marc Anthony awhile back. Plus he ran into Penelope Cruz one time when she was totally high and packing a strap-on.