Kontrition

Kanye West appeared on Jay Leno's debut show to say he was sorry for picking on Taylor Swift at the VMAs. So let's see: Leno has a new show, Kanye pulls some shit, Kanye goes on Leno's show to explain said shit.

Stuff like this is why people think everything is staged.

I'm pretty sure the Kanye shit wasn't staged though. I can't see Taylor Swift consenting to participate in such a con. Plus, I've seen a Taylor Swift video or two, and can state with confidence that she is not a good enough actress to pull such a thing off.

Boobs Likes Helpin' Folk

Boobs went on Jay Leno last night to promote her dumb-ass new movie The Spirit. Somehow the conversation turned to the cold she claims she got from co-star Samuel L. Jackson (breathing on her boobs?). Overcome by a sneeze and the spirit of giving, Boobs blew her snot into a tissue then told Jay she was going to auction it off for charity, and proceeded to seal the snotty tissue in a ziplock to protect it from contamination. The snot rag has since been put on eBay and at last report the bidding was up to $2000. Boobs should've rubbed the tissue against her boobs instead - the bidding would be up to $3 billion by now, just from Woody Allen.

Someone Stop Him

Tom Cruise went on Jay Leno and did a lame Elvis impersonation. Yes Tom we know, you're trying to make us forget about the whole Scientology crackpot thing. You have a movie coming out and you're afraid it will flop. You want us to see you as happy-go-lucky Tom. As if this will help your box office. The smell of desperation is coming off you like the reek from a rotting carcass. Maybe you should just consider quitting movies and devoting yourself full-time to your cult leader activities. Then it won't matter what we all think of you. Until the FBI has to storm the compound.

Halle Ticks Off The Jews

Halle Berry has gone and gotten herself in a little politically incorrect pickle over an ill-timed Jewish joke.

The actress, who won an Oscar for enduring a sex scene with Billy Bob Thornton in Monster's Ball, made an appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno yesterday, during which she whipped out a bunch of silly photoshopped pictures she'd made of her own face with distorted features. When showing Jay an image of herself with a freakishly bulbous nose, Halle reportedly said, "Here's where I look like my Jewish cousin." Which would be funny in a room with a couple of your buddies - not so much on national television.

Luckily for Halle, Jay and his producers cut the joke out of the show's broadcast at her behest. Unluckily for Halle, the show was taped in front of a studio audience, not to mention a whole crew. So it got out. Of course, Halle was ready with an explanation(via Page 6):

What happened was I was backstage before the show and I have three girls who are Jewish who work for me. We were going through pictures to see which ones looked silly, and one of my Jewish friends said [of the big-nose picture], "That could be your Jewish cousin!" And I guess it was fresh in my mind, and it just came out of my mouth. But I didn't mean to offend anybody. I didn't. I didn't mean any harm.

Oh sure Halle - pawn it off on the poor "Jewish girl" who works for you. Ye gads woman, haven't those people suffered enough? The Exodus. Masada. The pogroms. The Holocaust. Woody Allen turning Catholic. And now this? Seriously - you need to do some big-time atoning to come back from this one, Halle. A public apology. Sensitivity training. And I think, to really seal the deal, you need to have sex with at least one Jewish guy. I'm certain there would be a few willing volunteers. Like, every heterosexual Jewish guy between the ages of 15 and 70. They're all ready to forgive you Halle - forgive you over and over, in multiple positions.

(source)