GaGa GooGoo

Okay so I guess Lady GaGa had a boyfriend, and she broke up with him, and now this guy is her boyfriend, or maybe he was just a one-nighter, or perhaps he's a hologram. Oh fuck, she totally ripped off my hose and lace bunny ears outfit! Bitch.

This Has To Be Grounds For A Lawsuit

Lady GaGa did an interview on German television dressed in an outfit made of Kermits. I'm guessing this was some kind of animal rights statement? "You wouldn't wear a whole outfit made of dead Kermits, would you?" Well, no Lady GaGa, only you would. And by the way, Kermit isn't a real frog, he's a puppet, so...fail.

Another One

Lady GaGa toured Jerusalem with a scarf on her head and a big giant cross hanging around her neck. Cause she believes in God!

Between this hermaphrodite and Katy Perry, I'm personally sick of disgusting sluts who whip out religion every time it's convenient for them. You want to parade your body parts around on-stage for money? Then give up the God thing.

It's really not that difficult. You just close your eyes, say "God is a lie and religion is a sham" three times and...poof. You're free.

Can't help you with the whole both sets of sex organs thing though. Maybe Jamie Lee Curtis could offer helpful advice.

Lady GaGa Is A Hermaphrodite. Explains Why Perez Likes Her So Much.

Fast-forward to the 1:14 mark of this video for a glimpse of Lady GaGa's penis. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Moving Up The Douchebag Scale

Amber Rose, that freaky chick who was always being photographed hanging off Kanye West like a bizarre bald-headed accessory, has moved on from Kanye and attached herself succubus-like to a higher order of douchebag, Chris Brown.

The New York Daily News says Amber, who may be from another planet, got together with Chris at Diddy's July 4th White Party (a party where everyone wears white and whips people until they pick cotton). "They were holding hands and making out in the shadows," said a spy. "She had her hand on his leg."

And he had his hand on her tentacle. Seriously, that is a weird chick. She makes Lady GaGa look like Kelly Clarkson.

The Sun Doesn't Get In Her Eyes

A day without Lada GaGa dazzling us with her hair would be like a day without sunshine. This one is great because not only is it awesome, it also keeps harmful UV radiation out of your face. And that's good for GaGa who seems to have less pigment going than a mutant rat that has lived its entire life in a cave system beneath Kentucky.

David Bowie Is Crying Jealous Tears

This Lady GaGa outfit rocks. I can't tell where the cheesy Flock of Seaguls-style keyboard ends and the dress begins.

I'm so pissed that Lady GaGa outraced me to that wig when we both saw it at Phil Spector's Goin' to Jail sale. I would've tripped the bitch but I was afraid to break her solar panels.

Not So GaGa

Lady GaGa was caught on the beach without make-up or crazy hair or crazy clothes, or any of the other stuff she uses to cover up the fact that she is a fat, ugly no-talent. This is the most shocking unmasking since Marlene Dietrich at the end of Witness for the Prosecution. Yes I realize I just gave away the ending of Witness for the Prosecution, but you weren't ever going to watch it anyway.

I personally am still mystified by the whole Lady GaGa phenomenon. It seems people are so desperate for a new Madonna that they'll hand that crown to just about anyone. The old Madonna is offended at being replaced, and will express her displeasure by twisting your head off with her bare hands.