Who's Going To Ghostwrite It? Trig Palin?

Carrie Prejean has signed a deal with some fly-by-night publishing house to do a book about her experiences as Miss California. The tome is to be called "Still Standing," and for literary merit, it will stand second only to Lauren Conrad's masterpiece "L.A. Candy."

I hate to break it to Carrie, but no one really cares about her side of the story. She is way past her expiration date. Even that idiot Perez Hilton has given up making fun of her, and that bastard never lets anything go. My advice to Carrie would be for her to forget this misbegotten venture and get on with her new career as a Republican Congressman's whore.

Too Funny

You know I never post about the Hills people, cause I think they're a blight on humanity and I refuse to help in perpetuating the perception that they're actually stars, but sometimes one of them does or says something so hilarious I just have to post it. Lauren Conrad was the perpetrator this time. Page 6 says the useless waste of DNA was at the airport when she got paged to come to the ticket counter, and became all upset because she feared being mobbed after everyone heard her name being announced. "LC pitched a fit, and was almost driven to tears because she thought people would start talking to her and bothering her," a source said. "But no one even cared." No one cared in reality, you mean. In Lauren's mind she was like Jolie trying to navigate a sea of Just Jareds. I feel dirty for even posting this.

Lindsay Lohan Cries in a Bar Over Samantha Ronson

All is not well in the love affair between former actress Lindsay Lohan and DJ Samantha Ronson.

The Crown Bar in West Hollywood was the setting for an apparent huge dust-up between the two carpet-munchers. The fight left Lohan in tears, but luckily Evan Ross and Lauren Conrad were there to comfort her.

Afterward, Lohan, Ross and Conrad enjoyed some cocaine and a three-way, then Conrad called the cops after realizing Lohan had stolen her pants.

Nicole Richie's Baby Shower Was "Really Cute"

Nicole Richie's friends showed their affection for her by paying some high-priced party planner to throw her a baby shower over the weekend. This is the sort of thing rich people do to avoid having to expend what small mental capacity they have on anything remotely resembling a creative pursuit. Plus blowing up balloons is really hard when you're trying to snort coke off a coffee table at the same time, so you better just let someone else do all that.

The baby shower was, for some reason, Wizard of Oz-themed. There were life-sized figures of characters from the movie set up in the Beverly Hills Hotel and a Wizard of Oz cake. And Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon was playing, and everyone noticed eerie parallels between the music and what was happening. Then they realized it was only the drugs kicking in.

Guests at the shindig reportedly included Paris Hilton (the Tin-Woman?), Lauren Conrad, Samantha Ronson (a dude at a baby shower?) and Sophie Monk, fiancee of Joel Madden's brother Benji. Conrad said of the affair:

The shower was great. It was really cute.

Of course someone else had to write that for her.

(source)

Which One Is The Puppet?

Too easy.

(It's Lauren Conrad from The Hills, for those who don't know. Which would be most of you.)