Jessica Biel Is Destroying The Internet

According to internet security experts, Jessica Biel is the celebrity most favored by virus-spreaders seeking to hijack searches. A new report says a full one out of five Biel searches leads the innocent Googler to a site that propagates malware.

It's just like I've always though: Jessica Biel is ruining the internet. Nay, the world.

Experts say Beyonce, Jennifer Aniston, Tom Brady and Jessica Simpson are the other most-favored celebs by hackers and other web troublemakers. Conspicuous by her absence on this list is Angelina Jolie. Which leads me to believe that Angelina is in charge of the hackers.

Gisele Is A Bitch

Is Gisele Bundchen a thoughtless ninny or a slick conniving bitch of the first order? Read the following story from the Daily News's Ben Widdicombe and judge for yourselves:

Anybody who needs some posh presents for a new baby might want to check the trash outside Bridget Moynahan 's house. I have a feeling there's some great stuff in there.

A rep for Petit Tresor, an upscale children's store in Los Angeles, confirmed that her estranged baby-daddy, Tom Brady, had phoned in an order.

His new girlfriend, Gisele Bundchen, paid for a separate order in the same phone call. Included in Gisele's $1,000 gift basket was a onesie with the word "supermodel" written across it.

Which is exactly what you want when your boyfriend leaves you for a Brazilian supermodel just after you get pregnant. Tactful!

I suppose it was just an accident that Gisele had that cute little piece of "supermodel" baby attire included in the gift basket. Just as it was an accident that the initials of Bridget Moynahan's kid John Edward Thomas, JET, could be seen to refer to the New York Jets, a team Tom Brady's Patriots have a rivalry with (I'm told). All just coincidence.

(source)

Tom Brady Is A Hot Hunk

Tom Brady is this week's Dotspotter hot hunk. He's a football player, but as far as I know he's not a dog-murderer, so that's good. I think Tom's got a little Matt Damon vibe going only he's better-looking than Matt and not quite as naggingly pubescent. Gisele Bundchen certainly seems to like him - and Bridget Moynahan did before he knocked her up and dumped her. Oh, you dirty, dirty dog Tom. Well at least you showed up for the birth. You didn't spike something and do a dance after the kid came out did you? That would've been...awkward.