Brandon Davis Attacks Pink...'s Car

Some people are just flat out destructive. Like Brandon Davis. Everywhere he goes this guy spreads mayhem. He was leaving a liquor store next to The Viper Room the other night and the paps were bugging him and he tried to back up his Mercedes and wound up plowing into Pink's BMW. Pink came out and traded insurance information with Davis. They didn't have sex. Pink has better taste than that. I did sort of expect her to drive something cooler than a BMW though. The female Billy Idol should be rolling around on a Hog or something, right?

Flaming Homo?

Sean Penn could be a flaming homo. According to James Franco, the alleged manly man wasn't satisfied with the single kissing scene in the script for their movie Milk (which is not about Pam Anderson) and talked the director Gus Van Sant (who is definitely a real homo) into adding more sexy. Franco says:

A month after asked me to do it, they sent me another script, and on Page 5 there was a full-on love scene. And I was like, "Gus, what the heck?" He says, "Well, it was Sean's idea."

Sounds great...until you realize that it's Sean Penn. No, I'm not interested in seeing him get it on with James Franco, or anyone else for that matter. I'd rather watch Mickey Rourke have sex with a hippo. I'd rather enjoy Rosie O'Donnell's frolic with Jocelyn Wildenstein. I'd sooner witness sick sweaty lovemaking between Brandon Davis and his brother Jason.

Gorgeous Bollywood Actress Katrina Kaif Pictures

Beautiful Shay Lauren Calendar - 2009

The Pit Of Vadge

Madonna, having failed to entertain her audience with her "music," resorts to knocking them unconscious with her body odor. Thank goodness that guitar is there.

Look Out, Mate! Stingray!

Famous dead dude Steve Irwin's son Bob turned five. Normal people buy a cake and hire a clown and blow up some balloons but not the Irwins - they have to call out the whole media circus. There was probably a croc-rasslin' pool and a bunch of snakes for the babies to play with. And kangaroo burgers and Yahoo Serious on a trampoline and Crocodile Dundee all drunk off his ass and falling down and...other Australian stuff...

Cumtrap And Glum-In-The-Yap

Like my new nicknames for Sienna and Keira? Gosh they look so pretty here all dolled-up for the big premiere or awards ceremony or whatever the hell this is supposed to be. Hey...whatever happened to that movie they were in, the thing about Dylan Thomas and his bitches? Did they finish it? Did it come out? Did Keira ever do any publicity for it or did she come down with a series of headaches in no way related to not eating enough? I think it's lovely that Sienna and Keira are such good buds. And no lesbian rumors either, okay? Everybody knows Sienna is a dick girl all the way.