Off To Start The Rest Of Her (Sniffle) Life

Paula Abdul got on a plane at LAX and flew off to begin the rest of her life. The airport people don't even bother doing the body cavity search on Paula anymore - they know she has drugs, they know she needs the drugs, they understand.

And what exactly does Paula think she's gonna do now that she's left American Idol? Go back to singing? Prediction: Paula crawls back to the American Idol people on her knees, and says she'll do the show for a couple bottles of percocet and a fingering. You watch.

Crazy Old Lady Shows Boobs On Magazine

Forget J-Lo showing us her ass at 40...how about Sharon Stone flashing her tits on the cover of Paris-Match at 50? Okay Sharon, we see, you're still pretty tight for being half a century along. Get back to us when you're 80. (I don't mean that. Please. Don't get back to us when you're 80.)

Thanks Lindz

Lindsay Lohan shot a water pistol at some paps a couple weeks back, so now guess what? Every dumb pap-magnet starlet is packing a water pistol. Oh, and Kelly Osbourne too. Sorry but I don't consider Kelly a "pap-magnet starlet." I don't think paps will be stampeding the Geldof girls to get a pic of Kelly any time soon, you know? Maybe if she dropped a few stone. Stones? Who cares.

When The Hell Was She Ever Silent?

I don't think people who write headlines for websites necessarily think all that hard about what they're hammering out. Like the Us Magazine monkey who wrote, "Kate Gosselin to Break Her Silence." That's a funny one, cause as we know, Kate is never silent. A better headline would've been, "Kate Gosselin Rips Jon in Public Some More" cause that's what that "breaking silence" is about. She's "speaking out" about her divorce - for the first time. Do they think we're not paying attention?

Old Men Shouldn't Dance In Tight Pants

Aerosmith were playing a show at the Sturgis motorcycle rally in South Dakota - cause only drunken bikers still dig Aerosmith - when lead singer Steven Tyler's silly prancing got out of hand and he tumbled from the stage on top of some apparently not-well-padded fans.

Witnesses say Tyler was joking around as he was loaded onto the helicopter to be airlifted to the hospital. His injuries were later reported to include minor head and neck issues and a shoulder issue of undisclosed severity. His hips evidently made it through intact.

No word on when Tyler will be entering rehab to deal with his new painkiller addiction. He does request that, from now on, only fatties be allowed to stand near the stage.

Some Ghost Shit I Guess

Sneak peek at The Lovely Bones, one of those Oscar-baiting movies I guess, the sort of thing that reeks of too much effort. Ghost chick looking for her own killer or some such piffle. Peter Jackson without the giant monkey or hobbits or crazed Kiwi broads. Marky Mark. Rachel Weisz. Susan Sarandon. Christopher from the Sopranos. That creepy little girl from Atonement. No, not Keira, the other one.

What You Up To, Skipper?

What is Josh Duhamel aka Mr. Fergie doing?

A. Sneaking off to see his even skankier ho.
B. Chasing Fergie, who is on another one of her meth binges.
C. Pausing in his busy day to make a nice wet load in his pants.
D. Breaking back in to prison. Cause anything's better than being married to Fergie.
E. Waiting for the little alien in the grass to give him back his keys.