10 Ways Eva Longoria Could Have More Privacy:
1. Become a nun (haaaaa).
2. Move to Antarctica and take up with a gay, French-speaking penguin.
3. Wipe all that gook off her face...then no one will recognize her.
4. Lock herself up inside her house with her vibrators and her mirrors.
5. Crawl the rest of the way up her own ass.
6. Cure Mario Lopez of his homosexuality, then run off with him.
7. Become the first chihuahua on the moon.
8. Move back to the Tijuana whorehouse she crawled out of.
9. Switch places with Teri Hatcher. No one gives a flying fart about her.
10. I don't know. Go the fuck away?
