Courtney Love may be the greatest I've ever seen at talking crazy shit. She's the only person I can think of who could've possibly concocted the following:
Over the years Gwyneth [Paltrow] has always invited me out to London and I have always procrastinated. I was like, "What if I come out to hang out with her and Chris Martin, who is a genius, and me being such the opposite of who they are?" My "What if?" worries started to kick in.So fuck it! I decide to go to GP and face my fears, I pull up to a neighbourhood near Chelsea. My anxiety is kicking in and I am terrified I am not good enough for GP, for their beautiful lovely home, and lovely lifestyle and lovely family! What if my hair is messy? What if my extensions fall out? What if I have lipstick and spinach stuck between my teeth? What if they don't get my jokes? What if they hate to gossip? What if I accidentally made a stain on Gwyneth's coffee table?
I arrive two minutes early, and before I can even light my nerve smoke, Chris greets me at that gate with a gorgeous smile and a big hug. As I enter the kitchen there's an ashtray, two lighters and two packs of Silk Cuts. Did I just fucking die and go to heaven? Next thing I know I am being kissed by a beautiful woman (GP), wearing an apron! She is all chipper and rubs my head and pinches my cheeks! I am so overwhelmed by the atmosphere and the fact I can fucking have a smoke without getting arrested or kicked out.
I give GP a big bear hug and just lifted her up off the floor and guess what? She is a slip of a girl and light as a feather and far more beautiful than should be legal with an IQ that I have discovered and cannot reveal, although it is out of this world and much higher than one might think.
This confirms what I've always suspected - all fucked-up "bad girls" secretly want to be prim, prissy, uptight, smug little twats like Paltrow. And yes, I'm sure Paltrow's IQ is much higher than one would think. It would have to be, wouldn't it? She is, after all, perfect.
