More Celebrity Spawn Meth Drama

Cameron Douglas, son of fossilized Oscar-winner Michael Douglas, was busted in New York for selling meth. This was only Douglas's second drug arrest in three years, leaving him well behind Redmond O'Neal as the most fucked-up, pathetic, no-future-having waste-of-oxygen druggie celebrity spawn on earth.

Nast

Is it possible for plastic surgery to spontaneously reverse itself? Cause I think that's what happened to Catherine Zeta-Jones. Either that or she just doesn't give a shit anymore. Being married to Michael Douglas could break anyone's will.

At Least it's Not Nicolas Cage...

Michael Douglas is reportedly being pursued by Steven Soderbergh to play Liberace in a new biopic by the director. I'm assuming they would be using CGI on Douglas - unless the whole idea of this movie is that Liberace was actually a peat bog mummy. They can cast Douglas if they want - I'm just glad they went away from Nicolas Cage who was rumored to be interested in this part for years. Cage now sucks the interest from everything he touches and makes it insufferably lame. Which is sad because he used to be a fantastic wild-man sort of actor. I'm guessing they'll be doing the whole tortured homo angle with Liberace. They better get the rings right, is all I'm saying.

Old Farts at Play

It used to be, "Why did Catherine Zeta-Jones marry that old fart Michael Douglas?" Now it's, "Why is a rich old fart like Michael Douglas married to a hag like Catherine Zeta-Jones?" Maybe it's love. Maybe Michael's worried a younger woman would just wear him out. CZJ became irrelevant really fast didn't she? A little money and a couple awards and she was like, "Well, that's a career."

My Pet Goat

Catherine Zeta-Jones attends the National Board of Review Awards with her father-in-law Kirk Douglas.

Oh my God - it's not Kirk. It's Michael.

Catherine Zeta-Jones Not Anorexic. Just Old And A Bit Dense.

Oscar-winning actress Catherine Zeta-Jones is denying rumors that her new slimmer figure is the result of anorexia.

People says Zeta was originally informed of the scuttlebutt by her decrepit old fool of a husband Michael Douglas, and that the whole thing just amused her. Zeta tells People:

Michael was laughing at me. He told me what [people had] said – that stories say I'm anorexic. Do I look anorexic? How could I ever, ever be anorexic?

I don't know Zeta dear - how do people normally become anorexic? They stare at too many pictures of Kate Moss and start thinking they're fat. We don't have to worry about you ever staring at too many pictures of Kate Moss though - we know the only pictures you ever stare at are your own.

We still love you though, Big Z, even if you are vain and silly and married to the single most revolting male this side of David Gest. Cheers daaaaaahling!

(source)

Douglas And Zeta-Jones's Marriage On The Rocks

The unholy union between gorgeous actress Catherine Zeta-Jones and Viagra-popping fossil Michael Douglas may be coming to a bitter end. A source close to the couple, who've been married for six years, reports that they can barely stand being in each other's presence anymore, and that Michael has become mean and sarcastic since Catherine was photographed holding hands with hunky actor Aaron Eckhart at an awards show. Says the source:

They used to spend loads of time together. Not any more. Back when they first got together and had really hectic schedules, they always made time for one another. But now, with endless time on their hands, they can barely stand being together. ... Whenever they're in the same room it usually turns into a blazing row ... It's a very combustible situation.

Michael recently showed his irritation during an interview, where he quipped that he would like to murder Catherine - in a movie. Said the vicious old dinosaur:

I'd be the villain, because nobody likes older guys with younger women. We'll get her a young leading man and I'll be the bad guy. And I'll off one of them.

Catherine reportedly became infuriated at this crack. If I were her I'd unhook the fucker's oxygen and beat it out of there. She's still fairly young - not even forty yet - and could easily hook herself a handsome young stud who likes a woman with a little experience. Meanwhile, Douglas might as well just haul himself to the La Brea tar pits and jump in. And bring that old fart of a father with him.

(source)

Zeta, Sans Goat

Catherine Zeta-Jones at the Food Network Awards Show. Notably absent from this picture is Zeta's wizened old crookback of a husband Michael Douglas. Guess she left him home with his Grape Nuts and his Matlock tapes. Good for her. I've always been a fan. Ravishing woman, and loves to sue people. If she had any sense she'd slip something into Douglas's IV, collect the money and head to Argentina.