Not Bad For 110

I was going to make an old joke about Regis Philbin but - I'm not lying - when I just sat down after getting my coffee, my right knee suddenly exploded with pain.

Damn you Regis and your Catholic god. Now I have to take some aspirin and lie down.

Are those freckles or were you just spraypainting?

Cougar Buffet

The Jonas Brothers were on with Regis and Kelly. So what do you think...is Kelly a Nick girl or Joe girl? Or would she prefer the other one, just to be different? And what about Regis? He's all about Joe I think. "Purity rings?" thinks Regis. "I've got a ring for you. It's loose and wrinkly and some call it a sphincter."

Question: Is interviewing the Jonas Brothers anything like talking to drapes?

Kathie Lee Gifford Returning to Daytime TV

Before there was Rachael Ray, there was a another foul demoness named Kathie Lee Gifford.

Many rejoiced when Kathie Lee made the decision years ago to leave her popular morning program with Regis Philbin (including Regis). Now, Kathie Lee has plunged us all back into darkness by returning to daytime TV as hostess of the fourth hour of The Today Show.

Fourth hour? How about fourth ring of hell?

Kathie Lee will reportedly be teamed with someone named Hoda Kotb. Hoda needs to call up Vanna and get herself a vowel methinks. And after a few days on the air with Kathie Lee, she will also need a reservation for a nice padded room.

“It’s going to be a new experience because this time it’s with a girlfriend,” Kathie Lee said of being teamed with Kotb. “Regis was like a bad little brother all those years.”

And Hoda's like what? Your little sister who does everything you tell her because she doesn't want you to feed her dollies to the dog anymore?

Fuck you Kathie Lee.

Regis Is The New Seacrest. Wait, I Thought Seacrest Was The New Regis. It's A Mobius Band Of Lameness!

Regis Philbin, who desperately needs a chemical peel I think, has been chosen to host this year's Oscar's red-carpet coverage for ABC. Show producer Dennis Doty said:

He knows everyone, and everyone loves Regis.

Regis knew fricking Cleopatra. I don't know if she loved him or not though. Especially after he told her she had a big asp.

The Oscars are scheduled to air February 24th.

(source)